Wheee!

If you couldn't tell from my post title, I'm a bit excited. About a month back, I entered the Truly Anon Twilight Contest with a one-shot called Recognition. There were 96 entries total and a more than a few categories to win in. I'm a new writer--with only 6 chapters of one other story ever written--so I pretty much had almost a month of nail biting until the winners were announced. I honestly didn't think I would win anything with that many submissions entered.

Well winners were announced on Thursday and Recognition took home Best Happily Ever After in the AU category! I couldn't believe it! Someone liked my story!

They made me this super cool banner! (By TwistenInMasen)

I would like to give a special shout out to ChloeCougar and LoriAnnTwifan for beta'ing for me. They made the story really shine.

Also Squeaky Zorro for helping with getting the summary to say what it needed with only 250 characters. Now that was hard.

If you want to read it, you can find it HERE on ffn. It's in the queue at Twilighted.

Here's the summary:

One absolute law governs all vampires: Keep the secret. When a gorgeous stranger looks at vampire Bella with recognition, he becomes a liability she must handle. In protecting herself, she finds more than just a human who knows of her world.

I've been asked if I will continue the story, and the answer is yes! I'm in love with it and it keeps talking to me, so for my own sanity I will have to write it.

And no, The Real Death of Edward Masen is not abandoned. Life has been a bit hard lately and my creativity has been at an all time low. Hence, also, my lack of blog post updates. But it's starting to come back to me :)

Bella Goes On A Trip

Last summer I decided that Bella should be given a chance to get out of the house. I thought the perfect place to take her was on our semi annual trip to Michigan. It seemed like a harmless enough place for her to visit.

Edward, however, was not in agreement with my decision, spouting about how it was now no longer a vacation for him, knowing I would make him be the one to babysit her. And he was right. My job sucks, not his. I need more of a vacation than he does. He can be the babysitter.

The drive to Michigan is long. About 12 hours depending on traffic. We got a late start and I was starting to doze off on the last leg of the drive. So I stopped for some trusty Red Bull to keep me awake. When we got to my dad's house, I had some left over and set in on the dresser in the guest room. Well, someone found it. And this made another someone very upset.

Edward: Blue
Bella: Brown

"Ooo, look what I found!"

"Oh dear God, no!! Not the Red Bull!!"

"Oh my gosh, that was so good! I was really tired a second ago, but now I feel like I could stay up all night with you Edward!"

"I really wish you wouldn't"

It didn't take Bella very long to become very annoying. Which sucked because we were very tired from the long drive and just wanted her to be quiet. But poor Edward got the brunt of it.

"Edward! I have this much energy now!"

"We should do something really fun!"

"We should sleep."

"But you don't sleep."

"Under the circumstances, I'm willing to make an exception."

"Wait, wait. Look. I'm not touching you!"

"I'm not touching you!"

"And I'm not touching you!"

"Oh for the love of God. Never has you not touching me been annoying."

"You're so funny, Edward. Oh, hey look!"

"Uh, it's a candle."

"Yes, but it's dying."

"Candles don't die. They get burnt up."

"So do vampires. This is serious."

"Bella, you're being--"

Edward got cut off.

"Let's jump off the dresser!"

"Bella, no!"

Bella jumped anyway, and Edward had to jump, and land on the ground first, and break her fall.

"Holy hell, what did you eat today?"

"RED BULL!!"

"I think it's bedtime now."

"No way! Let's climb back up the dresser."

"Dammit, woman, you're giving me whiplash."

Edward followed Bella back up the dresser, but he wants me to let you know that it was only because he had to.

Things did not improve when they got back to the top.

"Look! Ghost costume!"

For the record, some of you know this, but Edward is afraid of ghosts. I don't know why. He just is. But he is not afraid of Bella in a tissue. He wanted me to tell you that, too.

"Ooooooo, I'm behind you. Are you scared?"

"No. Not even a little bit."

"Yes you are. I know you're afraid of ghosts. Why is that, anyway? You're a pansy ass, sparkly vampire who's afraid of ghosts? I don't get it. You are at the top of the food chain and no one can hurt you, but you fear ghosts. That's totally whacked. What kind of loser is afraid of something that can't even touch him? Do you realize how ridiculous you're being? You should really seek professional he--"

Bella was cut off.

Edward pushed her off the dresser. I usually don't condone such things, but her fall did make her go to sleep. Unfortunately for Edward, he had been scarred by the event.

"If you ever let her have Red Bull again I will find a form of retaliation against you that I can assure you will not be happy with."

There is no more Red Bull in the house.

During our trip, we took Bella to the beach on Lake Michigan.

Edward tried to get rid of her. But when doesn't he try to do that?

"Edward, its' getting really hard to breath."

"Yes, I know. It's supposed to be that way."

"Oh. Okay."

We went fishing for salmon and got a nice haul. We were taking pictures of our fish and Bella was curious about them. I suggested that Edward show them to her.

"That's good, Bella, but you want to slide down further than that."

"It's really slimy and smelly."

"That just means you're not down far enough. Slide down further."

After I retrieved Bella from the salmon's mouth, we went back to the house.

The previous trip to Michigan, Edward and Masen had found some trouble with my dad's cat, Shadow. Edward was hoping that maybe the cat could aid in his Bella disappearing scheme.

"Here, just hold the toy out to him, and he'll take it from you."

"This seems dangerous."

"Yes well, that's neither here nor there."

"I don't really know what that means."

"I know."

So Bella held the cat toy, offering it to Shadow.

She soon learned of the dangers of doing so.

"YES!! Good kitty. Now eat her! Before anyone else comes in here!"

But the cat really didn't care for Bella and went on his way. Bella was left feeling the aftermath.

"Did you have fun?"

"Edward, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to kill me."

"You don't know any better."

"I know you love me, right?"

"In the same way vampires love werewolves."

"I knew you loved me."

"Good for you."

Edward Gets In A Fight

Has it been a long time? I can't recall, it's been too long.

Anyway, back in August, I was lucky to have @Team_SixPack send me a wonderful care package. Due to Edward's monotonous life of going to work and going home, he was very excited to see something new waiting at home after work. So to be kind, I let him open it.

Words of Edward: Blue

"The fact that I'm this excited is pretty sad, LwE. Take me on a trip."

"We're going to Michigan soon."

"But we've been there so many times already."

"If you don't stop complaining, I won't let you open the package."

So Edward went to the box.

But I don't think he was very impressed with its contents.

"What?! It's just a bunch of Twilight crap. Not letting me open this would have been better than letting me open it."

Edward started to pull everything out anyway. Personally, I think if he hated it so much he would have went away to leave me to do it. I think he was being a bit dramatic. Shocking, I know.

"When will you ever wear these shirts? Seriously, do you even love boys who sparkle?"

"I love you."

That shut him up, until he got to the next objects in the box

"Now I like this artist depiction of Bella. I wish she really looked like that. But I have no idea what you will do with all these books. That is way too many pictures of that guy. You so don't need those. And don't even think I'm doing that puzzle for you."

"That's fine. My husband will do it."

"Fine, I will do the puzzle."

Someone gets jealous.

Edward moved on.

"You are aware you already have one of these right?"

"Yes, you hid my camera in it."

"I thought we were past that."

"We are."

"You didn't have to bring it up."

"I was just trying to say that I wouldn't forget since...."

I didn't get to finish.

"Surprise!" (New Edward will be red. The one in the blue shirt doesn't say anything because the pea coat one seems controlling and doesn't let him speak. They have a strange dynamic.)

"Oh come the heck on! More? This has gotten so far out of control. Send them back."

"No. They are staying. They need a new home."

"Since when did we become an Edward orphanage?"

"Uh, since the day I brought you home. Now be nice. It's more people to watch Bella."

"Welcome home, guys. I hope you'll like it here."

The Edwards kindly greet each other and Edward helps them get settled. But I'm not so sure Edward will get along as well with these two as he does his other brothers.

"Thank you for your hospitality. Here are my instructions as per my last human. Please follow them accordingly."

"You come with instructions?"

"Yes, it's to make sure I'm properly taken care of."

"Ha! It's a fend for yourself kind of place here. There are 8 more of us in this house, too. Don't expect special treatment."
"I require lots of special treatment, so you will have to make some changes."

"Ok, I will take the instructions and discuss them with my human."

Edward did approach me later with the piece of paper telling me that it was garbage and to throw it away.

"Alright, Mr. High&Mighty, that's your new name, by the way, what else do you have?"

Mr. H&M, my shortened version of Edward's name, and his friend gather the goodies in the box to show Edward.

"Wow, that's exactly the kind of stuff we don't need around here. My human will love it."

"Now when is our next trip?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I was told that we would be traveling."

"Uh, we'll be going to the bank tomorrow."

"The bank? That simply won't do. I require extensive travel. It's in the instructions, you need to read them. I've been all over Europe already, and wish to see more of the world. You'll need to make flight arrangements as soon as possible"

"Well, since you have already been all over Europe, you should feel satisfied and get over yourself."

"I'm losing patience with you and your attitude. Can you at least direct me to where you all feed? It's been a long trip."

"Oh, absolutely."

I don't think Edward is happy with Mr. H&M.

"There you go. Just for you. I hope this is exotic enough for you."

"It's a toad!"

"Oh, you smart, too. Yes, it is a toad. Good job."

"Don't patronize me, just direct me to something warm blooded."

"You have a sense of smell, you should be able to hunt something down yourself. We all do."

"I would prefer to have my meals brought to me."

"I'm beginning to see why your human sent you away."

What happened next could have been avoided. You see, if Edward had just read the instructions like he was supposed to, he probably would not have set Mr. H&M off. Well, yeah, he probably would have.

Mr. H&M has a deformity. He lost some hair in a beach accident, and is very sensitive about it. The instructions say not to talk about his bald spot.

"And she probably sent you away because of that nasty hole in your head."

And that was all it took to set off Mr. H&M. He's all refined, pompous socialite one second, but mention the hair and he goes all Hulk. He gave Edward a pretty good beating. I didn't get a chance to take any pictures of it because I had to try to break up the fight before someone was dismembered. Mr. H&M was relentless. I think Edward might actually be a bit afraid of him now. He, however, is trying to talk Bella into asking Mr. H&M about his hair.

Happy Birthday Amanda!

Today's post will celebrate something really special.  Demanda, over at Borderline Phenomenal, is turning 30 today! She has more guts than I do, for I don't plan to ever turn 30, even when my 30th birthday roll around next year. I will be in my twenties forever. So kudos to you Demanda for going through with the dirty thirty!

Edward wanted to help celebrate and got a little something together for you.  Here is how the birthday surprise came to be today.


Edward: Blue
Bella: Brown
Cullen: Green
Eddie: Purple
Newdward: Red

After Edward and I had come home from work, he approached some of his brothers, Cullen, Eddie, and Newdward.

"Ok, guys, I need you to get everyone together. We need a group photo."

"What for?"

"It's Amanda's Birthday, and we are going to do something special for her."

"Oh, how old is she?"

"Thirty."

"Pffft. Thirty. Tell her to call me when she hits eighty."

"When is LwE going to be thirty?"

"Next year."

"Damn. We better change her soon then."

"What? No. No one is changing anybody. I just need a group photo."

"Wait. I have a question. Who's Amanda?"

"You met her in Forks."

"A fork is a utensil, Edward. Not a place you go."

"Sure it's not. But remember that day at the beach? She was the one who pretended that the branch of a tree was a penis."

"What's a penis?"

"Wow."

"Anyway, I made these while I was at work today. We all need to wear one in the photo.

"What is that?"

"It's a mustache. Amanda likes mustaches for some reason."

"Wait, is this just a ploy to make us feel bad because we can't grow our own? That's mean."

"Oh for crying out loud, just go get everyone else."

"Ok, but Jacob's not here."

"Where did he go?"

"Don't know, but he's been gone a while. We think he imprinted on something again."

"Oh gross. I don't want to know then."


So all the Edwards got together with Jasper, Alice, Bella, and Victoria to wish Demanda a very happy birthday. We love you girlie and hope for many more happy birthdays!

Ps. I had to add this pic just because Jasper looked CRAZY with his stache on.

Eduardo And The Vault Door Update

I think we are going to need a more detailed vault door opening and closing procedures sign. This is getting out of hand.






- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone

I Guess The Sign Was Necessary

Earlier this year the bank I work at converted with another. So we are a new company now.

Apparently, the new bank thinks we are all dimwits and believe we need a new unnecessary sign on the vault door telling us how to properly open and close it.





Ridiculous. We have all been using a vault door for years and have had no emergencies for lack of a common sense using an everyday object. Suffice it to say, we have all got a big laugh out of this sign.

Well today it seemed the sign was a necessary precaution. Eduardo went to use the vault door today.





Oh well.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone

LwE Please Stop The Insanity

Hello everyone. Edward here. I'm using LwE's iPhone to post this plea.

As a lot of you know, my human does not enjoy her line of work any longer. You can refer to her Don't Bank Like A Douche post over at It's Whine Thirty to understand why.

She has a very close friend from her high school years, Sarah, that she has the privilege of working with. This gives me the privilege of working with Sarah's tiny plastic vampire, Eduardo. Most of you know this but I feel the need for a refresher since LwE has been lazy and not posted in forever. She also does not have Internet since her wifi card broke. But it is my understanding that that will be rectified in a couple weeks.

Anyway, Eduardo and I try to mind our own business and only help out when needed as to not upset our humans any further than the douches already have them. So we tend to find things to entertain ourselves.

But sometimes the humans need to find things for their own entertainment, which usually causes great embarrassment for us. Don't get me wrong, I love helping LwE with anything she needs, but I just wish she would consider my feelings before she acts on her impulses. Let me show you what I mean.





Now LwE thought this was funny. I, however, was not comfortable being dressed as a bandit inside a bank. It's not the safest costume to wear.

Then there was this day.





This was just humiliating. Sarah had made me the tie since Eduardo had not come to work that day. They laughed and showed their amusement
all day while I suffered in silence.

Today was a total new low for the humans. They thought this was a good idea to pass the time.





These hats are atrocious. We were so embarrassed by them. And why did LwE have to make mine pink? I look like a gay pirate. Ugh.

So today I ask you LwE, please consider how I feel before you find a way to make your day more tolerable by ruining mine. That's not too much to ask, is it? Please show some sensitivity. Thank you.

Eduardo and I discussed at length why we honorably tolerate the torture our beloved humans put us through. This was our finding.






- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone

25 Things

There seems to be something that STY from Twitarded has suggested we all do, and that is share 25 facts about ourselves. TwiKiwi has and you can see her post on her blog which you can find on the side bar. I won't be linking anyone in this post as I am using my iPhone, per Dangrdafne's suggestion, because my laptop is broken so I can't get Internet anymore. Because of this, there won't be very many pics in this post either. Sorry. I'm working on a solution for the laptop so I can get back to my regular posting.

So here are my 25 things:

1. I am the youngest of five kids. I have four older brothers. Two are half brothers. I grew up playing with Barbies and My Little Ponies, and also GI Joes and Ninja Turtles. But I didn't have an ounce of athleticism. I think I got gipped.

2. I grew up breeding dogs. Siberian Huskies to be exact. We had puppies about four times a year, which was awesome. I miss having puppies around. We did the whole dog show thing and always had about forty dogs at a time. I've cleaned more than my fair share of shit in this world and don't miss that. Here is my mom with my favorite dog we had, Jazaroo. Jazz for short. This photo is actually still up at my vet and I took this pic a few weeks ago.




He was a beautiful dog. Perfect head.

3. I want pink hair very badly. Light icy pink hair. As soon as I don't have to work corporate any more, I'm so doing it.

4. I love dance. I never knew how then found an adult beginner hip hop class almost 2 years ago. I was stoked. I took the class and had to perform in the recital and I loved every second of it. There wasn't enough interest to keep the class going this past year but hope there will be next.

5. I have a fairly healthy body image for a woman. Yeah I want to lose forty or so pounds but I still think I'm pretty. The only thing I am very self conscious about is my teeth. My front teeth are very crooked and continue to get worse because of impacted wisdom teeth. I can't afford the surgery to get them out and then the orthodontia. I hate smiling in pictures. It's the only thing that can make me feel ugly.

6. I have an unhealthy attachment to my mini Edward. But you already knew that. I would seriously cry if something happened to him.



He's such a good helper.

7. My husband is a unicorn. He is big Twilight fan too. He is always quoting the movies to the point of annoyance until I hit him. Pretty sure he wants to be Edward. He admitted as much.

8. I have a hoodie addiction. When I go shopping I say to myself that I'm going to buy things that I normally wouldn't and are nice. My dresser and closet pretty much only have tank tops and hoodies. So I'm not sure what really happens on those shopping trips.

9. This is the number of mini Edwards I have. This number will change when they release the new one. I told you it was unhealthy. But I am frugal about them. I only bought 2 of them full price. The rest uber cheap on clearance!

10. I have the attention span of nat. I'm lucky that I can at least sit though movies. Church can be torturous. Too long. But I'm the only one there that feels that way. I think.

11. I'm a ninja. (TwiKiwi and STY, don't believe this)

12. There is almost nothing more in the world that I love more than my dog, Derek. He's the bestest ever.






At the moment he has a pink Mohawk.

13. My birthday is on April 13th.
Feel free to buy me presents.

14. My favorite movie of all time is Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

15. I love to drive. It's one of my favorite things to do. I love it on a nice day with the windows down and the music up.

16. At the moment I am craving both a salad and cookies. I feel a bit conflicted.

17. I wish the transformer Bumblebee was real so I could have him.

18. I can't get throughout the day without being sarcastic about almost everything. I love to laugh and make it a habit to laugh about almost everything.

19. I anger easy. It is easy for people to get under my skin with their actions. A lot of stuff pisses me off. Working in customer service had increased this trait immeasurably.

20. I once offered Robert Pattinson five bucks to turn around so that all of us at the Water For Elephants premiere could get a good picture of him. I don't think he heard me. Who wouldn't want five bucks?!

21. I met Jon Bon Jovi's new Camaro at the car dealership yesterday when I went in to get my car inspected.













Rob was also there.







22. The only thing I know how to say in Spanish is "my happy monkey pants are on fire" but I don't know how to spell it so I can't type it here. I once said it to a spanish only speaking customer. They got a good laugh.

23. I love cooking with coconut oil. It makes everything taste so good. And it is also the healthiest of the cooking oils. The type of fat in it actually helps to slim you.

24. My very first concert I ever went to was Bob Dylan. I was 13 and didn't know who he was. I went for free cause my brother was event staff at the venue. It was the first time I saw drunk and or high people and I was scared.

25. Doctors told my parents that I was going to be a boy. They had the name Chad picked out for me until the moment I was born. That was the day I learned that doctors aren't always right.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone