Living with Edward

Edward Gets In A Fight

2012-02-12T21:52:00.000-05:00

Has it been a long time? I can't recall, it's been too long.

Anyway, back in August, I was lucky to have @Team_SixPack send me a wonderful care package. Due to Edward's monotonous life of going to work and going home, he was very excited to see something new waiting at home after work. So to be kind, I let him open it.

Words of Edward: Blue

"The fact that I'm this excited is pretty sad, LwE. Take me on a trip."

"We're going to Michigan soon."

"But we've been there so many times already."

"If you don't stop complaining, I won't let you open the package."

So Edward went to the box.

But I don't think he was very impressed with its contents.

"What?! It's just a bunch of Twilight crap. Not letting me open this would have been better than letting me open it."

Edward started to pull everything out anyway. Personally, I think if he hated it so much he would have went away to leave me to do it. I think he was being a bit dramatic. Shocking, I know.

"When will you ever wear these shirts? Seriously, do you even love boys who sparkle?"

"I love you."

That shut him up, until he got to the next objects in the box

"Now I like this artist depiction of Bella. I wish she really looked like that. But I have no idea what you will do with all these books. That is way too many pictures of that guy. You so don't need those. And don't even think I'm doing that puzzle for you."

"That's fine. My husband will do it."

"Fine, I will do the puzzle."

Someone gets jealous.

Edward moved on.

"You are aware you already have one of these right?"

"Yes, you hid my camera in it."

"I thought we were past that."

"We are."

"You didn't have to bring it up."

"I was just trying to say that I wouldn't forget since...."

I didn't get to finish.

"Surprise!" (New Edward will be red. The one in the blue shirt doesn't say anything because the pea coat one seems controlling and doesn't let him speak. They have a strange dynamic.)

"Oh come the heck on! More? This has gotten so far out of control. Send them back."

"No. They are staying. They need a new home."

"Since when did we become an Edward orphanage?"

"Uh, since the day I brought you home. Now be nice. It's more people to watch Bella."

"Welcome home, guys. I hope you'll like it here."

The Edwards kindly greet each other and Edward helps them get settled. But I'm not so sure Edward will get along as well with these two as he does his other brothers.

"Thank you for your hospitality. Here are my instructions as per my last human. Please follow them accordingly."

"You come with instructions?"

"Yes, it's to make sure I'm properly taken care of."

"Ha! It's a fend for yourself kind of place here. There are 8 more of us in this house, too. Don't expect special treatment."
"I require lots of special treatment, so you will have to make some changes."

"Ok, I will take the instructions and discuss them with my human."

Edward did approach me later with the piece of paper telling me that it was garbage and to throw it away.

"Alright, Mr. High&Mighty, that's your new name, by the way, what else do you have?"

Mr. H&M, my shortened version of Edward's name, and his friend gather the goodies in the box to show Edward.

"Wow, that's exactly the kind of stuff we don't need around here. My human will love it."

"Now when is our next trip?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I was told that we would be traveling."

"Uh, we'll be going to the bank tomorrow."

"The bank? That simply won't do. I require extensive travel. It's in the instructions, you need to read them. I've been all over Europe already, and wish to see more of the world. You'll need to make flight arrangements as soon as possible"

"Well, since you have already been all over Europe, you should feel satisfied and get over yourself."

"I'm losing patience with you and your attitude. Can you at least direct me to where you all feed? It's been a long trip."

"Oh, absolutely."

I don't think Edward is happy with Mr. H&M.

"There you go. Just for you. I hope this is exotic enough for you."

"It's a toad!"

"Oh, you smart, too. Yes, it is a toad. Good job."

"Don't patronize me, just direct me to something warm blooded."

"You have a sense of smell, you should be able to hunt something down yourself. We all do."

"I would prefer to have my meals brought to me."

"I'm beginning to see why your human sent you away."

What happened next could have been avoided. You see, if Edward had just read the instructions like he was supposed to, he probably would not have set Mr. H&M off. Well, yeah, he probably would have.

Mr. H&M has a deformity. He lost some hair in a beach accident, and is very sensitive about it. The instructions say not to talk about his bald spot.

"And she probably sent you away because of that nasty hole in your head."

And that was all it took to set off Mr. H&M. He's all refined, pompous socialite one second, but mention the hair and he goes all Hulk. He gave Edward a pretty good beating. I didn't get a chance to take any pictures of it because I had to try to break up the fight before someone was dismembered. Mr. H&M was relentless. I think Edward might actually be a bit afraid of him now. He, however, is trying to talk Bella into asking Mr. H&M about his hair.

Happy Birthday Amanda!

2011-10-19T00:09:00.002-04:00

Today's post will celebrate something really special. Demanda, over at Borderline Phenomenal, is turning 30 today! She has more guts than I do, for I don't plan to ever turn 30, even when my 30th birthday roll around next year. I will be in my twenties forever. So kudos to you Demanda for going through with the dirty thirty!

Edward wanted to help celebrate and got a little something together for you. Here is how the birthday surprise came to be today.

Edward: Blue
Bella: Brown
Cullen: Green
Eddie: Purple
Newdward: Red

After Edward and I had come home from work, he approached some of his brothers, Cullen, Eddie, and Newdward.

"Ok, guys, I need you to get everyone together. We need a group photo."

"What for?"

"It's Amanda's Birthday, and we are going to do something special for her."

"Oh, how old is she?"

"Thirty."

"Pffft. Thirty. Tell her to call me when she hits eighty."

"When is LwE going to be thirty?"

"Next year."

"Damn. We better change her soon then."

"What? No. No one is changing anybody. I just need a group photo."

"Wait. I have a question. Who's Amanda?"

"You met her in Forks."

"A fork is a utensil, Edward. Not a place you go."

"Sure it's not. But remember that day at the beach? She was the one who pretended that the branch of a tree was a penis."

"What's a penis?"

"Wow."

"Anyway, I made these while I was at work today. We all need to wear one in the photo.

"What is that?"

"It's a mustache. Amanda likes mustaches for some reason."

"Wait, is this just a ploy to make us feel bad because we can't grow our own? That's mean."

"Oh for crying out loud, just go get everyone else."

"Ok, but Jacob's not here."

"Where did he go?"

"Don't know, but he's been gone a while. We think he imprinted on something again."

"Oh gross. I don't want to know then."

So all the Edwards got together with Jasper, Alice, Bella, and Victoria to wish Demanda a very happy birthday. We love you girlie and hope for many more happy birthdays!

Ps. I had to add this pic just because Jasper looked CRAZY with his stache on.

Eduardo And The Vault Door Update

2011-08-19T14:36:00.001-04:00

I think we are going to need a more detailed vault door opening and closing procedures sign. This is getting out of hand.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone

I Guess The Sign Was Necessary

2011-08-17T12:54:00.001-04:00

Earlier this year the bank I work at converted with another. So we are a new company now.

Apparently, the new bank thinks we are all dimwits and believe we need a new unnecessary sign on the vault door telling us how to properly open and close it.

Ridiculous. We have all been using a vault door for years and have had no emergencies for lack of a common sense using an everyday object. Suffice it to say, we have all got a big laugh out of this sign.

Well today it seemed the sign was a necessary precaution. Eduardo went to use the vault door today.

Oh well.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone

LwE Please Stop The Insanity

2011-07-30T13:27:00.001-04:00

Hello everyone. Edward here. I'm using LwE's iPhone to post this plea.

As a lot of you know, my human does not enjoy her line of work any longer. You can refer to her Don't Bank Like A Douche post over at It's Whine Thirty to understand why.

She has a very close friend from her high school years, Sarah, that she has the privilege of working with. This gives me the privilege of working with Sarah's tiny plastic vampire, Eduardo. Most of you know this but I feel the need for a refresher since LwE has been lazy and not posted in forever. She also does not have Internet since her wifi card broke. But it is my understanding that that will be rectified in a couple weeks.

Anyway, Eduardo and I try to mind our own business and only help out when needed as to not upset our humans any further than the douches already have them. So we tend to find things to entertain ourselves.

But sometimes the humans need to find things for their own entertainment, which usually causes great embarrassment for us. Don't get me wrong, I love helping LwE with anything she needs, but I just wish she would consider my feelings before she acts on her impulses. Let me show you what I mean.

Now LwE thought this was funny. I, however, was not comfortable being dressed as a bandit inside a bank. It's not the safest costume to wear.

Then there was this day.

This was just humiliating. Sarah had made me the tie since Eduardo had not come to work that day. They laughed and showed their amusement
all day while I suffered in silence.

Today was a total new low for the humans. They thought this was a good idea to pass the time.

These hats are atrocious. We were so embarrassed by them. And why did LwE have to make mine pink? I look like a gay pirate. Ugh.

So today I ask you LwE, please consider how I feel before you find a way to make your day more tolerable by ruining mine. That's not too much to ask, is it? Please show some sensitivity. Thank you.

Eduardo and I discussed at length why we honorably tolerate the torture our beloved humans put us through. This was our finding.

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25 Things

2011-07-03T20:40:00.001-04:00

There seems to be something that STY from Twitarded has suggested we all do, and that is share 25 facts about ourselves. TwiKiwi has and you can see her post on her blog which you can find on the side bar. I won't be linking anyone in this post as I am using my iPhone, per Dangrdafne's suggestion, because my laptop is broken so I can't get Internet anymore. Because of this, there won't be very many pics in this post either. Sorry. I'm working on a solution for the laptop so I can get back to my regular posting.

So here are my 25 things:

1. I am the youngest of five kids. I have four older brothers. Two are half brothers. I grew up playing with Barbies and My Little Ponies, and also GI Joes and Ninja Turtles. But I didn't have an ounce of athleticism. I think I got gipped.

2. I grew up breeding dogs. Siberian Huskies to be exact. We had puppies about four times a year, which was awesome. I miss having puppies around. We did the whole dog show thing and always had about forty dogs at a time. I've cleaned more than my fair share of shit in this world and don't miss that. Here is my mom with my favorite dog we had, Jazaroo. Jazz for short. This photo is actually still up at my vet and I took this pic a few weeks ago.

He was a beautiful dog. Perfect head.

3. I want pink hair very badly. Light icy pink hair. As soon as I don't have to work corporate any more, I'm so doing it.

4. I love dance. I never knew how then found an adult beginner hip hop class almost 2 years ago. I was stoked. I took the class and had to perform in the recital and I loved every second of it. There wasn't enough interest to keep the class going this past year but hope there will be next.

5. I have a fairly healthy body image for a woman. Yeah I want to lose forty or so pounds but I still think I'm pretty. The only thing I am very self conscious about is my teeth. My front teeth are very crooked and continue to get worse because of impacted wisdom teeth. I can't afford the surgery to get them out and then the orthodontia. I hate smiling in pictures. It's the only thing that can make me feel ugly.

6. I have an unhealthy attachment to my mini Edward. But you already knew that. I would seriously cry if something happened to him.

He's such a good helper.

7. My husband is a unicorn. He is big Twilight fan too. He is always quoting the movies to the point of annoyance until I hit him. Pretty sure he wants to be Edward. He admitted as much.

8. I have a hoodie addiction. When I go shopping I say to myself that I'm going to buy things that I normally wouldn't and are nice. My dresser and closet pretty much only have tank tops and hoodies. So I'm not sure what really happens on those shopping trips.

9. This is the number of mini Edwards I have. This number will change when they release the new one. I told you it was unhealthy. But I am frugal about them. I only bought 2 of them full price. The rest uber cheap on clearance!

10. I have the attention span of nat. I'm lucky that I can at least sit though movies. Church can be torturous. Too long. But I'm the only one there that feels that way. I think.

11. I'm a ninja. (TwiKiwi and STY, don't believe this)

12. There is almost nothing more in the world that I love more than my dog, Derek. He's the bestest ever.

At the moment he has a pink Mohawk.

13. My birthday is on April 13th.
Feel free to buy me presents.

14. My favorite movie of all time is Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

15. I love to drive. It's one of my favorite things to do. I love it on a nice day with the windows down and the music up.

16. At the moment I am craving both a salad and cookies. I feel a bit conflicted.

17. I wish the transformer Bumblebee was real so I could have him.

18. I can't get throughout the day without being sarcastic about almost everything. I love to laugh and make it a habit to laugh about almost everything.

19. I anger easy. It is easy for people to get under my skin with their actions. A lot of stuff pisses me off. Working in customer service had increased this trait immeasurably.

20. I once offered Robert Pattinson five bucks to turn around so that all of us at the Water For Elephants premiere could get a good picture of him. I don't think he heard me. Who wouldn't want five bucks?!

21. I met Jon Bon Jovi's new Camaro at the car dealership yesterday when I went in to get my car inspected.

Rob was also there.

22. The only thing I know how to say in Spanish is "my happy monkey pants are on fire" but I don't know how to spell it so I can't type it here. I once said it to a spanish only speaking customer. They got a good laugh.

23. I love cooking with coconut oil. It makes everything taste so good. And it is also the healthiest of the cooking oils. The type of fat in it actually helps to slim you.

24. My very first concert I ever went to was Bob Dylan. I was 13 and didn't know who he was. I went for free cause my brother was event staff at the venue. It was the first time I saw drunk and or high people and I was scared.

25. Doctors told my parents that I was going to be a boy. They had the name Chad picked out for me until the moment I was born. That was the day I learned that doctors aren't always right.

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Work Candids

2011-05-30T23:52:00.000-04:00

I would like to apologize for my errant lack in posting. I can't believe that I only have 4 posts up this year so far, and I almost skipped doing one this month all together. Real life has been retched this year. Many times I have just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. But I'm hoping to get posting regularly again soon! It has been nagging away at me for a couple months now. And so has Edward. He is a persistent little bugger.

My creativity has decided to find another way out of my head. I am now an FF author. I know. I'm shocked too. Anyway here is my awesome banner made my one of my favorite of all time authors, @Tkegl. You must read her stories! They are sooooooo good.

Isn't it pretty? I love it. The story is set when Edward left Carlisle for a few years to feed on humans. You can catch it at Twilighted.net here and FanFiction.net here. If you go give it a read, please leave a review to let me know what you think. I've never written before, so feedback is greatly appreciated!

Now, that my apology and shameless plug are now over, we can get on to Edward. Today I am sharing some pics of Edward in his work environment. I have had a lot of questions asking how Edward spends his day at the bank with me, so here it is.

Here is Edward taking his banking job very seriously. He is very willing to help out any customer with their financial needs.

"Hello. I'm Edward Cullen. You need a bank account. Let me explain to the benefits of our accounts here. I'll have you saving for FORKS2011 in no time at all."

If you don't know what FORKS2011 is, then visit Twitarded. If you like what you see and are not scarred for life, then you are probably our kind of people and would enjoy this trip.

Up next we have Edward working with some foreign currency. He is the foreign currency master.

"I have Euros!"
Like a boss, Edward. Like a boss.

Sometimes Edward is the keeper of my keys. He makes sure that I don't lose them or leave them lay somewhere.

And sometimes the keys are too heavy.

Edward's friend Eduardo sometimes comes to work with his human, my friend, Sarah. He came to help celebrate my birthday last month.

Sometimes Edward likes to hang out in my boot on his down time. At least I know he is staying out of trouble there.

Edward did do something really sweet for me on Valentine's Day. I was so surprised. When Edward is sweet he is really sweet. It's the reason I don't throw him into a quarry.

Wasn't that sweet? He is very creative.

There are, however, times where Edward does act up and needs a time out. This is where he spends those times.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I swear I won't jump out of your coin locker to scare you anymore! Please, let me out."

Edward also doesn't mind rifling through my coworkers drawers to steal their candy for me.

He also takes the time to prepare my snacks.

That was some damn good cheese, I just have to say.

Once in a while I will go help out at another branch when they are short staffed. Of course, Edward comes along. He gets mesmerized by the marble counter top there.

"It's so pretty."

Sometimes Edward gets a little carried away with the office supplies. I really don't know what he is thinking.

He really seemed to be in trouble here:

Edward will occasionally bring one of his brothers to work with him to help pass the time. Here are a couple instances where he brought EC with him.

I have no idea what they are doing here. My only guess is that there had to have been an incredible amount of boredom.

Once I told them their next activity was a federal crime, they quickly stopped.

I can't tell you how much defaced money we get. I have gotten cash with some pretty colorful words on it already.

This may be a game of hide and seek. Either that, or creating disguises with props.

Perhaps he is supposed to be a lamp.

Then, when we are slow, they like to indulge in their favorite banking pass time. The drive thru tube ride.

Then, when they create enough of a ruckus, I assign them some kind of task to keep them occupied. Handing me coin is a good one.

Well there are the work candids. I hope you enjoyed them. In the next post, we finally will address the chipmunk.

Edward Goes To NYC For WFE

2011-04-19T23:19:00.000-04:00

Most of you know by now that a few of us (Dangrdafne, Kassie, Robzsinger, 17foreverlisa, Bella Tesoro, Mama Cougar, Tatoomickey, Donnersun, Laxplays, Latchkey Wife, Double Dippin, StephanieS74, and others that my head is spinning too much to remember) went to New York City for the Water For Elephants premiere. And it was FUN! We had a wonderful time. Edward was very excited to visit the city, even if it was to see that tool, Rpattz. He wasn't happy about that part, but put up with it to go sight seeing. Here are my photos from the weekend.

This is right when Dangrdafne and I got into the city. It was rainy, but we survived.

This is our view from the 33rd floor of the Hilton. It was really high. And the elevators go so friggin fast, I felt like I got beat up everytime I got off of one.

We went down to the cocktail party not long after we arrived. Edward was happy to keep Marie from Twilight Junkies Anonymous company for a while. He liked her dress.

Then he spider monkeyed her.

They had a great time.

Edward was really enjoying the party and the music. I even caught him dancing.

Then him and Robzinger's and Kassie's Edwards gathered around the fake candle thingy for some mini time.

I don't know what they are doing here. It looks like they are trying to conjur up the dead, which is ironic because they are the dead.

Water For Elephants author, Sara Gruen, came by to sign autographs for everyone on free big posters! (Special thanks to Dangrdafne for making sure I didn't miss out on it.) Sara was so nice and cool. I loved meeting her. She is amazing. She really liked Edward, too. She even gave him a kiss.

Dangrdafne, LwE, Edward, Sara Gruen, 17foreverlisa

Later that night Dangrdafne, Robzsinger, and myself headed out to dinner and then Times Square. It is so beautiful at night. I love it.

Notice the giant Nurse Jackie billboard.

That's a giant M&M. It looks delicious.

Planet Hollywood is in Times Square, so we went in to take a look at this!

We took turns putting our hands in for pics. I even made Edward do it.

He was not happy about it, but he likes to amuse me, so he did it.

Planet Hollywood also has this.

And this!

Back at the hotel that night, Edward tried to entertain me with the cute little elephant charm Dangrdafne gave me.

"I have an elephant. I also have water for it. Apparently, it's Poland Spring."
It's was funnier if you were there and heard him say it. It was the way he said it.

The next day we walked around the city a bit. And Edward made fun of some wacky "art".

We shopped for souvineers and Edward found someone that may hold vital information for him.

"Hello. I'm Edward Cullen. You're a weremunk. I was wondering if you would be able to enlighten me on human to chipmunk transmutations. I have a friend who is having a problem with phasing back to a human. He's not even supposed to be a chipmunk, he's supposed to be a wolf. Are you supposed to be a chipmunk? Are you having any phasing issues? Do you understand anything I am saying? You don't seem to be. Wait, you are just a regular chipmunk, aren't you? Hmmm, oh well. I can still use you for something. Nom nom nom!"

Photo of Chipette masacre not included. Edward didn't think he would be able to find a snack in the city. Good for him.

We also went to Central Park, which is my favorite thing in the city. It is so pretty and people just freely display their art for all to see. It is amazing.

Edward really liked it there too. He got to hang from a tree, which is one of his favorite pastimes.

So many people take their pets for walks in the park, so Edward took advantage of that too. Here he is walking Vlad.

He just loves his little vampire bat. He never leaves home without him.

We saw the famous Bow Bridge which is in every single movie ever filmed in NYC. Here is Edward in the bridge. I think it's a pretty cool shot.

I think this is my fave pic from the park. I love blossoms on trees! So pretty!

Then I got sick and didn't do anything for a bit, until Dangrdafne told me Rob was on the carpet. I came down and tried to get some pics. They weren't that great. Here is the best I got.

If only that poster thingy wasn't in that one!

And a special pic for Tongue Twied.

I got a decent one of Rob and Reese during an interview, but it grainy cause the camera was on super zoom.

And interviewing with Josh Horawitz. I think that's how you spell it. I'm too lazy to google it.

Unfortunatly, all good things must come to an end. We had to leave the city and come back home. Poo. As we were driving, the moon was HUGE! So I took a pic. It was ginormous.

After I got home and was on the interwebs, I saw a pic of Rob on the red carpet posted on tumblr. I scanned the crowd in the back and immediately noticed Latchkey Wife, Laxplays, and Double Dippin. I stood next to them a lot and low and behold, who is next to Double Dippin? Me! I recognized my green sweatshirt sleeves. I'm in the sam pic as Rob! Wahoo!

Vanity Unfair

2011-03-18T19:59:00.001-04:00

Edward got some very exciting news last week. He got a phone call from the world famous photographer Annie Leibovitz!! She told him that she has been dying to do a photo shoot of Edward for the longest time and that she had the most amazing ideas for his pictures. Edward was excited about having such an accomplished and famous photographer take his picture. He expected nothing but the best from Annie. So they made an appointment for the shoot and got to it.

It didn't go as well as planned.

Words of Edward in Blue
Words of Annie in Red

"Edward, it is so great to finally meet with you! I have been waiting so long for this. I have such a vision for this shoot! Let's get started! Here, put on this coat and hat. They are perfect!"
"This coat and hat here?"
"Yep, those are the ones."
"Are you sure these?"
"Yes, of course I'm sure."
"I'm not so sure this is right. It's not very me."
"Edward, it's Amish! It's very you! The Amish are a peaceful people who live off the fruits of their labor and are one with nature. That's you!"
"Uh, I wouldn't say that I'm one with nature. I'm a predator. I eat nature."
"Oh, same thing! Now go pose on the deck."

Edward dis trustingly went to pose wearing the hat and coat Annie suggested. Here is the photo that came of it.

As you can see, Edward looks a bit underwhelmed. He expected more from the well known photographer.

Then Annie set Edward up for the next photo that she said would be magazine cover worthy! Edward really didn't trust her judgement on this one.

"Edward, that s perfect!"
"Are you kidding me? What kind of Amish person goes around carrying an alligator?! Is it like those rattle snake cults in the south?"
"No, you silly boy. It looks cool. You know, like, hey, look, Edward can carry an alligator, he must be real tough and cool. You know what I mean?"
"No. I don't know what you mean. The only thing carrying around an alligator can communicate is that someone is stupid enough to carry around an alligator! You are not the photographer I thought you were. You have only succeeded in making me look ridiculous! This photo shoot is over! So you can go pack up your things and go back to the Amish alligator cult you came from!"

And that is how Edward fired Annie Leibovitz. Here's hoping for some decent outtakes!

I Came Close To Kicking Edward Out

2011-02-18T00:49:00.000-05:00

Today was a beautiful day and it's about damn time, too. It was about 54 degrees and it felt like spring time. I decided to take advantage of this, because it's not supposed to last, and took my dog, Derek, for a much needed walk. We both really needed to get out of the house, so today was a blessing. If you are unfalmiliar with Derek, this is him.

Isn't he adorable? Well, today's walk did not turn out to be the smartest thing ever. See his furry coat in that picture? That is Derek's summer cut. In the winter I keep it it's full length, so his coat is pretty long. For some reason, every year, I forget that this is a horrible time to walk the dog. The ground is all wet and amazingly dirty because of the snow melting and all the mud and pebbles that get thrown every where from shoveling and plowing. Derek was a complete mess when I got home. There was so much stuff tangled in his fur and he was all black undernethe. It was really gross and he needed a full grooming, which I hate doing because it takes HOURSSS.

When I got home, Edward heard my distress. He has been so good lately and helping out a lot. But tonight, he really wanted to step up, so he offered to groom the dog for me!! I was soooo happy. I have been trying to get him to do that for months. I thanked him profusely then went about my business making dinner.

A couple hours later, I was wondering what was taking Edward so long. He should be able to groom the dog faster than me. I started to get a bit concerned so I went looking for him and Derek. I went into the bathroom to see if they were still in there and this is the scene I found.

This would appear normal with the grooming supplies but there are a few things there that really concerned me. First is the multiple sets of scissors.

Then the full basket of discarded Derek fur!

And then this??!!!

This could not be good. What the hell did Edward do? I heard the sound of the blow dryer coming from the bedroom so I went to investigate. I just about jumped out of my skin with what I found.

"EDWARD!! What the hell did you do?"
"I groomed the dog for you. Why are you so upset?"
"Where is his coat?! His fur is supposed to be long! If you cut the top coat down, it doesn't grow back! And he's purple!! Why the hell is he purple?!"
"Calm down. It's okay."
"How is it okay? You purpled my dog! And gave him a mohawk!"
"I thought you would like that. You always say you want your hair pink but can't have it because of your job. So I thought you could enjoy it on your dog. I gave him purple instead, because he is a boy."
"Edward, you have really crossed a line here. I have put up with a lot of crap from you but this....is unacceptable beyond words."
"This is worse than when I tried to starve him?"
"EDWARD!"
"We both know that he tried to starve me first. That's not the point. Before you kick me out of the house, look at him a moment."

"He clearly looks great. You don't have to deal with constantly brushing his long coat and it won't get dirty outside. It's completely functional, love."

"And the purple mohawk adds a bit of character so that he doesn't just have to have boring short hair. He looks fun and edgy. You love fun and edgy."
"Edward, you can't just do these things with out my permission. You really should have asked me if I wanted a dog with a purple mohawk. Pomeranians are supposed to have nice long fluffy coats. Not purple mohawks."
"I'm sorry. I really thought you would like it. You have to see that he does look pretty cool."
"He does look cute."

So I now have a pomeranian with a purple mohawk. I think he kind of looks like a dragon.

Then something occured to me.

"Edward, where did you get purple hair dye?"
"Oh, I ordered it off the internet."
"And whose credit card did you use for that?"
"Yours, of course. I'm not going to pay for your dog's grooming supplies."

That did it. He was so not going to get away with that, now."

"You purpled my dog with hair dye that you bought with my money that I didn't even want?! You are so being punished for this. Your punishment is that you have to spend the rest of the night zipped up in my little purse with Bella. You can not come out until I get you out. So you better pray to everything that is holy that I don't forget to let you out to take you with me to work in the morning or you're going to be in for a long day."
"No. Please. Anything but that. I love you and I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I beg you."
"Not gonna work, Edward."

So this is where Edward is spending the night.

"Edward, I'm so glad we get the night together. We are going to snuggle all night long and you are going to tell me how much you love me and tell me how pretty I am all night, too."
"That's not going to happen. I don't like to lie."
"Well there are other things we can do that don't involve talking."
"Oh god, no. Help! Help me!! LwE, I'm sorry,love! Please let me out! I'll never purple the dog again!"
"Would you calm down, Edward? I meant sleeping. I will need to sleep."
"Oh. Okay, I can deal with that."
"And kissing!"
"Oh hell."

Edward And The Turtle

2011-01-16T23:24:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's been about a month since I have posted anything. I have been a bad blogger. Sorry about that. I have been spending more of my time over at tumblr. I said I would not get sucked in and start one, but I did. You can find my page here if you want to see some humor during your day.

Since youtube sucked the life out of me tonight, this is going to be a short post, but I hope you still enjoy it and find it entertaining.

I took Edward to my moms house this weekend where Edward and I had this conversation:

"Love, guess where we are."
"Where, Edward?"
"Your mom's."

He's so cute. Anyway, my mom has a pet turtle named Dim Sum that is like 8 years old. Edward has never met a turtle in person so he was very interested to see it. What he didn't expect was how interested in him the turtle would be. Here is the encounter.

I think it is safe to say that Dim Sum was a bit dazzled by Edward. A little later Edward approached the turtle a second time. This is where things got more intense.

After that, Edward didn't go near the turtle anymore. He said because he didn't want to cause Dim Sum any undue stress, but I think he was a bit scared.

That's all for now. Tune in next time where a practical joke on Jacob goes awry.

A Pox In Our House

2010-12-20T00:32:00.000-05:00

A lot of you know that I had some epic fun during the Eclipse DVD release weekend. You can read about it here. During this fun time, Dangrdafne and I stopped at a Toys R Us to check out the Twi loot and did we hit the mother load! Half off everything! So I got myself another friend. I decided on the sparkly New Moon Edward. He was the last one and only five dollars and I don't have a sparkly one. So I quickly adopted the little fella to take him home.

Anyway, when I got home I didn't take the newby out of his box right away and tried to keep him a secret from Edward. You all know how he gets when bring home another friend. So the next day I woke to find this scene going on in my room.

EC, Edward, Ed, and Anthony decided to have a poker game.

Rainbow Text Guide:
Me: Pink
Edward: Blue
EC: Black
Anthony: Green
New Guy: Red
Ed and Jasper: Grey

"Did you guys really have to wake me up to play poker? And where are the others?"
"They went out hunting. We are waiting for Jasper to get here so we have a fifth player."

Edward's statement reminded me of the new Edward I brought home the previous day......and now the others now know, too.

"What did you do?! You have a problem. You need to speak to someone about this obsession. It's getting out of control."

I didn't even reply. I just sighed and went and got the new guy to introduce to them.

"Hello. I'm Edward. Nice to meet you."

"No you're not. I'm Edward. You shall now be known as Number 9. Because you are the 9th Edward to be brought to live here and I'm running out of name ideas."
"Ok, so what are you guys up to?"
"We were going to play some poker. Do you want to be our fifth player until Jasper gets here?"
"Sure."
Then Anthony was brave and rude enough to ask the obvious question.
"Dude, what's wrong with your face?"
"What? Nothing."
"There is totally stuff all over your face, neck, and chest. What is it?"
"It's nothing. I sparkle. I'm a vampire. It's what I do. Where are all your sparkles?"
"Uh....real vampires don't sparkle."
"Sure we do! Look at me!"
"I think you may have some form of Vampire Acne."
"No I don't!!"
"Vampire Mumps?"
"No!"
"Vampire Pox?"
"Stop it! There is nothing wrong with me!"
"Here. Perhaps you should try this."

Number 9 was not happy with Anthony's suggestion and took it quite offensively. He lashed out violently throwing the bottle at Anthony and knocking him over.

But as he did this, something happened to Number 9 that he wasn't expecting and he lost his balance.

The Edwards were quite concerned at what Number 9's foot falling off meant.

"Oh no! It's worse than we thought. He has Vampire Leprosy!"
Number 9 pulled himself up the wall, using it for support while the other Edwards put some space between him and themselves.

"I do not have Vampire Leprosy. There is no such thing. That is preposterous."

"Uh oh."
"Dude, your arm just fell off!"
"He totally has Vampire Leprosy!"
"It's probably contagious!"

Then the little vamps grouped together to get more of a safe distance from Number 9.

At this moment, Jasper had finally showed up for the poker game.

"Hey guys. Sorry I'm late. What's wrong with this guy?"
"Jasper, get away! He has Vampire Leprosy!"

"What on earth are they talking about? There is no such thing as Vampire Leprosy."
"That's what I tried to tell them, but they wouldn't listen."
"They can be very stubborn."
"I've noticed."
"Jasper! I'm telling you, you need to step away before you catch it!"
"You guys are so absurd. There is no such thing as Vampire Leprosy, so just stop being so ridiculous and help him reattach his arm and foot."
"I'm not going near him!"
"Nothing is going to happen to you. Trust me."

"Ahh! Jasper has been infected!"

"That's the last time I trust a vampire."
"We need to get them in quarantine before it spreads to the rest of us."

So Edward and Ed found a suitable quarantine containment unit and quickly threw Number 9 and Jasper and their infected appendages into it.

They then furiously went to the sink to wash any "VL" germs off their bodies.

"Maybe we should use this just in case."

So Edward and Ed used the acne cleanser to help keep the Vampire Leprosy away. They then returned to the others to discuss the situation.

"How long do we have to stay in here?

"I don't know. I really wish we had a mini Carlisle!"
"What is going on in this house? First we have Jacob's problem with turning into a chipmunk instead of a wolf and now this! What are we going to do?
"I'm not sure. Uh,.....I guess we google?"
"Couldn't hurt."

So off they went to google Vampire Leprosy and Werewolf chipmunk mutations. I really hope they find answers.

Edward Answers Your Questions

2010-12-13T00:01:00.000-05:00

A couple months ago I added to my blog an advertisement that stated that Edward would answer your questions.
You can find it right here ----->
Well about a month ago, TheRugbymom sent me an email with a question to Edward. I'm just getting around to it now. Truth be told, I was a bit apprehensive asking Edward TheRugbymom's question. The first reason is because I never told him that I added the advertisement to the blog and is now entitled to answer any questions that are emailed to me. So as I nervously told him about it I was pleasantly surprised that he seemed to be okay with it and wasn't angry. So then I let him read the email. He was no longer so "OK" with the idea anymore. Once you see the email, I'm sure you will understand why.

Dear Edward,
After reading RobP33n Wednesdays http://thecoldshower.wordpress.com/2010/10/13/robp33n-wednesday-lets-get-scientific/ for the past few weeks, I've been studying your picture on the blog header.

I was wondering why you appear to be hung so much 'better' than the Pocket Edward doppelgangers who live with me? What are you packin' in there?

And how do the others - Masen, Cullen, Anthony, Ed, Eddie, Newdward, EC, Jasper, and Jacob - stack up against you?

I suspect my Edwards might have been cheated. I'm wounded! Now I wonder if my boys can even read mings? WTF??

Very truly yours,
xoxoxo
TheRugbymom

Edward yelled at me for a good 20 minutes after he read it. I told him that he has to field the question now since I said he would answer questions. So he sighed and with a defeated look called Jasper to come over and gathered his brothers and Jacob, who is still stuck as a chipmunk, to see how they ..... uh..... measured up.

Rainbow Text Guide
Edward: Blue
Anthony: Green
EC: Black
Jasper: Red
All other Edwards and Jacob will be in grey.

After Edward had all the others gathered he nervously broached the subject.

"So, guys, uh, did any of you know that LwE told all her followers they could email me questions?"

"Yeah, I knew."
"Me too."
"Squeak!"
"How did you all know?!"
"We read the blog. Don't you read it?"
"I live the blog!! I don't have to read it!"
"Apparently you do."
The Edwards then snicker at Edward's ignorance.
"Whatever. TheRugbymom sent me a question and wants to know, uh, something about all of you."
Edward then told them all the question he was asked. There was no response from any of them except for quiet murmuring amongst each other. Edward took this to mean he should continue.

"So I have something that will tell us what TheRugbymom wants to know."

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to need a bigger tape measure."
"Oh god."
"Anyway, I guess we'll all take turns."
I think if Edward could blush he would have.

"I also brought something else to help us."

"A feather?"
"What do we need that for?"
"Uh, well, um, some of you may have, uh....... trouble with ....this. So I did some research and thought that one of us may have to act as a "fluffer" and the feather would be ...... uh .... stimulating?"

"Now hold on! What exactly are your intentions with this whole little experiment of yours?"
"What are you talking about? It's not mine."
"Oh sure it's not. All you do is walk around here with your questionable sexuality, tell us what to do, and now this! You fabricated this all to get us to expose ourselves to you!"
"WHAT!! I would never....I don't like.....this is absurd.....I..."
"Look, he's stuttering. I think you are right."
"No! He's not!"

"I think he is Edward. I knew there was something ..... different about you when I first got here. You were always complimenting my coat."
"Of course I complimented it. I like it. We have the same fashion sense. It doesn't mean I have a crush on you!"
"Did you hear that? He's talking about fashion. I think he is gay."
"I'm not gay!!"
"Look, Edward, we don't care if you are. It's the deception that insults us. We don't appreciate that you are tricking us into your own little peep show."
"I'm not tricking you into anything! I'm not gay! I'm doing this for TheRugbymom. Because of LwE I have to answer the question! I don't want to hear any anymore talk about being gay! Now everyone drop their pants so I can measure your penises!"
This created a negative response from the rest of the Edwards.

"GET HIM!"

They were not going to put up his deceptions any longer. I kinda felt bad for Edward as he was getting pummeled on the bottom of the little vampire scrum. (Like my rugby lingo? Seemed fitting) I should feel bad for not asking his permission to volunteer him for answering anyone's question. But he does need to learn how to communicate better with his brothers.

Jasper and Jacob were left to witness the violence.

"So when do you think I should tell them all that Edward was telling the truth?"
"Squeak!"
"Yeah, I think it should go on for a little while longer, too."

So Edward was left to his beating.

Much later, this was how I found him.

"I hope you are happy, love."

I didn't miss how he hissed the endearment. It appears Edward is very capable for holding a grudge. Some of you may have seen that he has been getting mouthy with me on Twitter. That's right. Edward has his own Twitter now. You can follow him at @Mini_Edward1901.

Anyway, here is Edward's answer to the question.

Dearest TheRugbymom,

It was great meeting you and your daughter in Forks. You were both so delightful.

I want to thank you for sending in your question. I learned a few things myself in researching the answer. Such as to be mindful of the "vibes" you may be giving off to others. I have finally been able to rectify the misunderstanding with my brothers with the help of Jasper. There is no longer any confusion. Thank God!

Anyway, I'm going to venture a guess that the difference you see in that picture in comparison to your own Edward companions is just an illusion of lighting and angle. There is also some water that I'm laying in that may be producing the illusion that you see. As far as the others go, I'm going to be on the safe side and say that we are all probably similar in that respect. That's all I know.

Also if your Edward companions can not read mings, do not fret. None of us have yet figured it out either. Google has vastly disappointed me on this topic and I'm no longer sure that I want to promote Google with the enthusiasm that I have in the past.

I hope this helps
Sincerely,
Edward

There you have it. If you have any questions for Edward you can email them to livingwithedward@gmail.com

The Edwards helped me put together an amazing Christmas play for DML this past week. You can see it here ---> Super fun DML link!

Oh, That Crazy Eduardo

2010-12-06T23:08:00.000-05:00

Some of you may recall the post where I gave my friend her own mini Edward, because good friends are enablers. I then posted some adventures of Eduardo's showcasing how different his personality is from Edward's. We learned that Eduardo is a bit more care free and/or crazier than Edward. I should probably have them hang out more so that some of that care free spirit can rub off on Edward.
Well Eduardo is still up to his mischievous ways. He has recently been getting himself into some more precarious situations. Let me show you what I mean.

*All photos taken by my friend. Again, to keep her anonymity, we will call her Sarah.*

Words of Eduardo in Green

Here we see Eduardo delving into some forbidden territory. He is perusing his human's underwear drawer. Edward would NEVER do this.

After staring at the drawer for a few minutes, he decided to dive in.

He really enjoyed the softness of the drawer's contents.

Then he discovered that it was way more fun than a ball pit.

After Eduardo calmed down a bit, he became more curious about the under garments.

"I don't understand why you keep a slingshot with your bloomers. That's just weird."

Eduardo has also been caught bungee jumping in the shower.

And also mocking the knick knacks.

This behavior is just plain rude. Sarah definitely has her hands full with him. He has recently actually started to cause trouble. I think he may be getting bored at work. Banking is sure not for everyone, which I am learning, but I think Eduardo needs more of a creative job. He is starting to lash out. Here is what he did at work recently.

We actually have insane plumbing problems now and our toilets break almost every week. We have gone quite a few days with no bathroom at all. Thanks Eduardo.

That's all for now. Tune in next time where Edward answers a fan question.

The Halloween Party

2010-11-29T00:51:00.001-05:00

I am finally posting the Edward Halloween party. It's only been like a month since the event. That's not bad is it? Don't answer that.

Anyway, the party started out innocent enough, but there was some drama. You see, every one showed up. All the Edwards, Alice and Jasper, Bella, Jacob, and Victoria finally decided to make herself known. It was eventful. Here is what went down.

Rainbow Text Guide:
Edward: Blue
Alice: Pink
Jasper: Green
Bella: Brown
Jacob: Black
Victoria: Red
All other Edwards will be typical grey. Should be easy enough to follow along. If you have trouble, may I suggest a Disney Princess Coloring Book?

Edward and Alice worked very hard on the decorations, while they waited for everyone to arrive.

"I really don't get your costume, Edward. What are you supposed to be?"

"What does it look like? I'm a Twitard."
"Oh, now I get it."
"Who are you?"
"Posh Spice."
"Oh, that's fitting. Where is Jasper?"
"He's coming. His costume is probably just taking a long time. Perfection is not easy to achieve."
"Who is he dressing as?"
"You'll see."

Then Jasper showed up.

"Uh.....dude...what is with the dress?"
"It's my custume."
"Who are you supposed to be?"
"Alice."
"Oooooh. I get it now."

Then the other Edwards started to arrive.

Ed showed up as a beach bum.

Followed by Cullen dressed as a game show host.

Newdward was next.

"Hey, you didn't dress up."
"Sure I did. I'm Fabio."
"Oh god."

Then EC, Anthony, and Eddie showed up as the 3 Amigos.

Masen arrived shortly after dressed as Bob Saget.

Then Bella and Jacob finished the guest list as a nurse and Mr. Universe.

The party was going really well and every one was having a great time. They had a game of charades going.

"It's Saturday Night Fever!"
"Barney!"
"Oh, I know! Pretty In Pink!"
"Blues Clues!"
"No no, it's Monty Python And The Holy Grail!"
"Dora The Explorer!"
"Is it Dances With Wolves?"
"No, it's Dances With Your Mom."
"Good one."
"The Wiggles!"
All: "Bella, shut up!"

After Bella took the fun out of Charades, everyone broke into there own conversations and just enjoyed the party.

But then Victoria showed up.

"Hello Edward."
"Hold on, Vickie. So like I was saying, the big chipmunk was just staring at me while the smaller one was making a run for it. I can't believe he thought he would get away."

After being ignored, Victoria went to find someone else to take notice of her.

"You wouldn't believe how popular glitter lube is getting now."
"You have got to be kidding. That is completely preposterous."
"It's true. I just saw it online."
"And people want that? I mean glitter is just made up of fine metal shavings. They really want to put that in .....places?"
"Hello boys."
"Hey Vik. But what I really don't get is the draw. What benefits are there to glitter lube?"
"I can't see any but the benefits to regular lube, I would imagine."

Victoria then moved on with an annoyed huff to the next group where she finally found someone to take notice of her.

"Victoria. Finally, we meet again. I have been waiting months for this. In fact it is the only reason I tolerate living here."

Jacob then confronted Victoria on the matter in which he seeks his revenge.

"Alright, you pale faced, girlie Richie Cunningham look alike, you owe me five bucks. And I demand you pay me back now."
"Yeah, how are you going to make me?"
"Don't tempt me vamp lady. You know I can kill you."
"If you can catch me. Looks like you're out five bucks. And did you just seriously call me vamp lady you mangy mutt?"
"That's it!"

With that, Jake's anger was spiked so high that he started to phase!

But something went horribly wrong.

"What the....."

Edward then came over to see what was going on followed by a very concerned Bella.

"Jake? What happened?"
"He's a were-chipmunk? I thought he was supposed to be a wolf."
"He is supposed to be a wolf! This isn't good. Jake, do you feel alright?"
The little chipmunk shook his head no.
"Edward, what's going on? I'm scared."
"I think Jake is sick. He didn't phase right."
"Oh no. Well, look! I'm a nurse! I should be able to help!"
The chipmunk groans in disappointment.
"Um..Bella, it's just a costume, it doesn't mean that you are really....you know what, never mind. Go help Jacob. I have to talk to Victoria."

So Bella went to comfort the chipmunk.

"There there."
"Victoria, first off, what did you do to Jake?"
"Nothing. I swear."
"Ok. Hmm. Second, what is your costume?"
"Oh, I'm the devil in the blue dress."
"Wow. That's clever."
"Thank you. I thought so."
"Yes, well, you are welcome to stay as long as you don't harm anyone. Except I wouldn't complain if Bella mysteriously disappeared."
"Edward!"
"Sorry. Ok, you can't touch Bella."
"Fine."

Victoria then went to socialize with the other vampires while Edward tried to talk to Jacob.

"Jake, do you feel dizzy? ..... How about nauseous? ..... Fatigued?......Hmmm. Can you phase back? ..... No? We will figure out what is wrong with you. Until then, don't get yourself mixed up with the wild chipmunks outside, or else we are going to have bigger problems."

Uh oh, will Jake be ok? Will the Edwards find out what is wrong with him? Will it take me a month to post about it?! Stay tuned for the answers.

Happy Birthday To Tongue Twied!!

2010-11-17T19:00:00.004-05:00

I will be interrupting our regular posts today for something very important. It is vital that we celebrate the birth of one of our fave blogger buddies, Tongue Twied.

Even Edward has a special message for her today.

Ok, that's not quite the message I was expecting, but I guess it's the thought that counts. Good job, Edward.

Tongue Twied has brought us so many laughs and good times that we want to show our appreciation by sending her on a special birthday scavenger hunt that will challenge the mind, send her around to all our blogs, and possibly make her pull her hair out if she can't figure out the clues. It's all because we love ya, babe!

Here's is how it works. Feel free to play along with Tongue Twied.

The game begins here (http://robmusement.blogspot.com/)

So go there first and you will make your way back here. Each blog will have a Twilight Trivia question and when you answer the question correctly you will be given a clue that will lead you to the next blog. The game ends with a special surprise for Tongue Twied!

Happy Birthday TT!!

Here is your 6th question:

twilight_trivia

Fall Candids

2010-11-12T00:55:00.000-05:00

Edward has been quite the active vampire this Fall. He has participated in quite a few events. I think it may be his favorite time of year. Now thinking about it, I find it ironic that his favorite time of year consists of Halloween. Hmmmm. Interesting.

Anyway, here is Edward taking over my bag of candy corn. He is really trying to get me to stay away from sweets because of my fitness goals. He is quite the little ~~tyrant~~ helper.

"No love, it's too high in sugar. You must resist!" It was just as well anyway. It was the worst candy corn ever. Always remember to buy the Brachs brand, never the bulk crap. It was truly heinous.

Every year we take my nephew to the farm and get pumpkins and gourds from their luscious pumpkin patch. Edward loves going to the farm. But not because I get to take cute pictures of him there, like this:

He loves it more for this:

He's a naughty little vampire sometimes.

Another Fall tradition we have is going to a 10 acre corn maze at night. It is so much fun! I suggest to at least try it once. Edward found it way to easy because he could track our sent and tell where we had been already. So I told him to shut up because he was taking the fun out of it. He obliged and just went along for the ride snuggled in the neck of my fleece. He did get to investigate some of the corn though. He was a bit perplexed.

"Um, it's hairy."
"Yeah, so?"
"That's weird. It's corn. I wasn't aware that it reached puberty."
"Are you jealous?"
"Grrrr. If you make the next left, then a quick right and follow it for 30 feet and take the next left, you will find the exit."
"Uhg!! You suck!"
"Yes, well, I am a vampire."
"Oh god, and you're bad at making jokes."
"Your mom is bad at making jokes."
"There, that's better."

After we finished the maze, we looked at some of the more quirky things at the corn maze. Edward found something that pissed him off.

"Don't you dare raise your hand to my human!! I'll rip you to pieces you filthy stinking mutt!!"
Edward then did something that made us have to leave that area of the farm very quickly.

We found a safer place for Edward to get into less trouble then.

Here are some pumpkins that are a bit more Edward size.

But then Edward had to find trouble again. I don't know why he just can't follow rules sometimes. He certainly didn't learn it from me.

I was surprised that the scale actually registered his little vampy weight.

According to this, Edward is about 2 ounces. That sounds fairly accurate to me.

I planned on carving a pumpkin this year. I haven't done it since I was a kid. I forgot that it takes a really long time. I thought it would be a good project to have the Edwards help me with. They were more than happy to help. So after I cut the top of the pumpkin off, Edward and EC went to work pulling out all the pulp and seeds.

But they didn't like it.
"This is so disgusting!"
"I can not believe this smell!"
"That's it. I'm done."
"Then so am I."
"Sorry love. But we just.....can't. It's ....for lack of better words....as nasty as watching the cast of the Jersey Shore do ......well just about anything.'"
"Whoa, that's pretty nasty."
So off the Edwards went to go get cleaned up and get away from the nastiness of the pumpkin.

But Edward did let me get a photo of him with the finished product.

Isn't it a cute little scarecrow? I love it.

Edward also sat with us to wait for the trick-or-treaters.

I didn't think this was a good place for him to wait. He thought it was hysterical.
"Come on. It's funny. What better trick could there be than getting a vampire in your candy?"
"Edward, just......no. Kids want treats, not tricks. And I'm pretty sure tricks are punishable by law now."
"America takes the fun out of everything. I hate all this politically correct bullcrap."
"Tell me about it."
So Edward went on for about an hour telling me about it. I will never use that phrase with him again.

Then we decided on a better place for Edward to wait.

"Hey, love, guess where I'm hiding."
"Where Edward?"
"Your mums."
"Ha! Good one."

Stay tuned for the next post. The Edwards had a Halloween party complete with costumes. It was pretty epic.

While I Was Away

2010-10-27T23:49:00.016-04:00

So a lot happened while me and four of the Edwards were in Forks. Four other Edwards were left at home to monitor Bella, make sure she stayed out of trouble herself, and keep Victoria at bay. She has not made another appearance to anyone but is believed to still be in the house. I don't know how eight mind readers can't find one lone vampire in the house. To be honest, I think they just don't care that she is there. They are probably hoping that Victoria takes Bella away, and that is probably why Victoria hasn't done anything yet.

Anyway, on a phone call to my husband while I was in Forks, he informed me that while in the house, he heard a commotion coming from the bedroom. He said it sounded like there was some type of fighting going on. Here is what happened.

First let's get reacquainted with the four Edwards who stayed home.

Anthony, Cullen, Ed, and Eddie

Rainbow Text Guide:
Anthony: Blue
Cullen: Green
Ed: Red
Eddie: Aqua
Bella: Brown

"I can't believe they just left us here!"

"I know. I wanted to go to Forks so bad."
"We have to stay back and groom the dog, just because Edward wants us to, while everyone else is having fun. What's up with that?"
"Well he did order the grooming supplies. No reason to let them go to waste."
"Ok, Cullen is definitely pouting."
"I don't want to groom the dog."
"Here's a question. How come Masen got to go to Michigan and Forks? Where is the fairness in that?"
"He got to go on two trips?! No! No! No! No!"

"Hey guys!"

"Edward said that you guys were going to take care of me while he was gone. What do you all want to do? We should all go snuggle!"

"No! No! No! No! No!"
"No! No! No! No! No!"
"No! No! No! No! No!"
"No! No! No! No! No!"

"Derek, thank God you're here."

"I think they are all having seizures! Let's go get help."

Then Bella and Derek left the room. Bella to try to find someone who knows how to treat seizing vampires, and Derek out of boredom. After a few seconds, the boys heard a scream following by some thumping sounds. It got their attention.

"What the hell was that?!"
"I don't know, but if something happens to Bella while she is in our care, the human is going to do something really bad with that zippo."
"I'll go check it out."

Here is what Anthony found.

"Bella! What happened?!"
"The dog shoved me down the stairs."
"Well, he is a very smart dog. Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I've had worse."
"Apparently not worse enough."
"What?"
"Oh, nothing. Let's get you back upstairs."

So Anthony very valiantly took Bella back upstairs with him.

"What are we going to do? The other's haven't been gone even ten minutes and she has already fell down the stairs. How are we going to get through five more days?"

"I have other things I wanted to do this week. I can't spend the whole time watching her. I need some Me time!"
"Yeah, me too."
"There has to be someone else who can take her for the week."

"I have an idea!"

Ed then ran for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Toys R Us!"

"Oh! Can you get me a stuffed panda?"

"No."

"I'm coming, too! You may need help."

So Ed and Anthony left for Toys R Us while Cullen and Eddie were left to babysit.

"Ok, so I guess it's just us for snuggling."

"Bella, do you like the beach?"

"I love the beach!"

"Here, why don't you play in there for a while?"

"Ok! I'm going to build a sandpire!"

"You do that. Wow, that may just be the most clever thing she has ever said."

"She should be occupied for a few hours now. Let's go play Call of Duty."

"I'm so going to pwn your ass this time."

"Ha! Go for it, pretty boy."

"You realize that you just insulted both of us, right?"

"Oh."

So while Cullen and Eddie were on their 8th game Anthony and Ed finally returned from Toys R Us with what they were hoping would be Bella's new babysitter.

"Please, come in. You are more than welcome here."

Words of Jacob: Black

"I don't know if I should trust you leeches. You sound all nice now, but what is it you want?"

"Jacob, I think it's time that we put the past behind us and be friends. We have so many fun things to do here and we just wanted to share. Please don't think that we have and ulterior motive."

".......Alright."

"Why did you just secure the door and block my path to it?"

"No reason."

"We love blocking doors. It's kind of a hobby of ours."

"Yeah."

"Ooookaaaay."

Then Cullen and Eddie came to greet Jacob.

"How many of you live here?!"

"The other four are away on a trip. There are eight total."

"You want me to live with EIGHT stinking vampires?! Are you crazy?!"

"Dude, we have Call of Duty. And our human is going to get a Nintendo Wii soon."

"Sweet! Ok, I'll stay."

"Great! Now, there is a matter that we do need your help with. To be fair, we all do our part in this matter, so it's not just you. There is a responsibility we all share and if you live here, you will also be expected to participate."

"Ok, that souns fair. What is it?"

"Come with us and I'll show you."

"Jake!!"

"Oh, HELL NO!"

"Block the door!!"

"I got him!"

"Me too!"

Jake was then able to throw the vamps off him and get Ed by the throat.

However, Cullen wasn't having that and he launched an attack and was about to destroy Jake for hurting his brothers, but was quickly interrupted.

Words of Alice: Pink

"Stop!"

"I have been worried sick about you guys! All of you disappeared about an hour ago. I had no idea what happened. What is the dog doing here?"

"Uh, he's here to watch Bella?"

"Uhg. You guys are idiots. That is supposed to be your job."

"Yeah, but there are only four of us here now. Shouldn't we get all the extra help we can with Victoria still loose in the house?"

"Even though I know you're lying, you do have a point."

"Wait, Victoria is here?"

The Edwards let Jacob up and all got together to tell him the situation. As you can see, Jasper is not very comfortable with the werewolf there and is ready to strike if need be.

"Yes, Jacob, she is here in the house somewhere. Apparently eight mind readers can't find her."

"Well, she is elusive."
"It is totally here gift for getting away."

"Yeah, totally."

"Whatever. Anyway Jake, we could really use your help to make sure Bella is safe."

Jacob sighs. "Fine. As much as I don't want to babysit, I don't want Victoria to be successful. I have been trying to get a hold of her for months. I'll help you."

"Wahoo!"

"Yes!"

"Thank you Jacob. Now, would you mind watching Bella for us for a few hours? The four of us do have some very important business to attend to."

"Sure, sure."

With that, the Edwards went to take care of their very important business, while Bella took Jacob to see the wolves.

"Look Jakey, I named this one Jacob, after you, and then that is Leah, and their puppies, Seth and Quil."

"Uh, in what universe would I have puppies with Leah?"

"What's a universe?"

"Nothing. Why does that one have a rope tied around it's neck?"
"Oh, it's a leash. One of the Edward's keeps that one as his pet."
"I'm living in a house where a vampire has a wolf as a pet? .........Fantastic."

"It is fantastic! I'm so glad you here. Aren't you?"

"Sure, sure."

While this was going on, the Edwards were dealing with their very important business.

"Look at what else I got at Toys R Us!"

"Sweet! I love Play-Doh!"

"Oh, this is going to be fun!"

"What should we make? Ahh, I'm so excited!"

So the Edwards spent the day with their Play-Doh being the creative little monsters they are.

"I like how this is turning out. It looks like a real stream."
"I like your bunny, man."

"Thanks. The grass is turning out nice too."

"Yeah, I can't believe the others went to Forks when they could be doing this!"

"I know! What tools!"

"Yeah!"

"...........Still jealous?"

"Completely, I'd rather be in Forks."

Me too fellas, me too.

More Forkyness

2010-10-24T19:26:00.006-04:00

I have so many Forks photos! Too many. This still isn't all of them. I may have to do a Forks Candids post in the future just to show them all to you. Tonight though, I think I am going to stick closer to the side of the actual traveling part of the trip.

Here we have the Edwards ready to leave for the airport. I got them this new swanky bag that had special pockets in the front that were perfect for toting them around in.

This is Newdward, Masen, EC, and Edward. As you can see Edward did take Vlad on the trip but really didn't let him out of the bag for fear of his safety. I think Edward may be more overprotective of his pet than I am for Edward.

Here is Edward on the plane just after take off, saying good bye to Philadelphia.

"Gosh, I can't wait to be away from you Philadelphia, with your smog ridden air and gang wielding ways! You disgust me!"
I think Edward will be very happy in Forks.

Edward was very bored on the plane ride. There really wasn't much for him to do, so I tried to distract him with anything I could find.

"Look Edward, they're fun size. Just like you."
"Fun size, huh? I was under the impression that Americans thought bigger was always more fun."
"Edward, if that was true my blog would be pictures of me with my FSE and as you know he has been exiled to the attic until we can move. You are much more fun than a bulky piece of cardboard."
Edward smiles.

Next, Edward was very entertained by the napkin that was given with the complementary drinks. He felt that is was a relevant saying.

"Too bad they don't carry my drink preference."
"Well, technically they do. It's just not packaged conveniently for easy distribution."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, when the stewardess asks if you if you want a drink and you tell her blood, she can't very easily cut her wrist open and pour it in a cup for you."
"Then apparently this airline does not teach their employees to go above and beyond to achieve great customer service."
We chuckled over our silly ideals.

When we got to Seattle, the first thing we did was go meet up with our bloggy friends, 17foreverlisa, Mrs. P, Twilove Sue, and Cullenary Curser. When we got to their hotel room Edward got to meet a couple more Mini Es and Chimpsten.

Edward was a bit shy because the display of affection with the other two plastic vamps. He also didn't know what to make of Chimpsten.
"Why do they have a monkey in a dress?"
"It's a long story."
"Why does the monkey make me think of Bella?"
"I couldn't tell ya."
"Hm. Do you think those other Edwards are together? Like together together?"
"I don't think so. They just met. I think they are just happy to finally meet each other. I think they may both be trying to gain the affections of Chimpsten."
At this information, Edward started to dry heave. He really has issues with anything that seems like Bella to him.

Here are the Edwards looking out the window of our room in Seattle while we were getting ready to leave for Forks.

I don't know who Masen is waving at. Or what Edward is pointing at.

And here the boys are finally in Forks posing on the welcome sign.

On our first night in Forks, on our way back to the hotel from the meet and greet, we saw something on the sidewalk that was very interesting. A huge leopard print slug!! I have never seen a slug this big. It was a monster. Edward was curious about the slug also.

"Holy hell, that is a huge slug!"

But Edward was not the only one with a fascination. The slug seemed to be pretty dazzled by the sight of Edward in front of him that it stretched it's head up as high as it would go to get a better look at the tiny vamp.

"Ah! What do you think it wants?!"

"I think it wants your body, Edward."

"That is so not funny. If I don't want to get it on with a monkey in a dress, what makes you think that I would want the slug? Or Chimpsten, for that matter?"

"I thought Chimpsten was the monkey in the dress."
"No. No. I was referring to Bella. Keep up."

These last two photos were taken at SeaTac airport when we were about to fly home. The boys were exhausted, only mentally of course, and couldn't wait to get home. They were waiting rather impatiently in the terminal waiting to board.

"The plane is sitting right there! Why can't we get on it?"

Then I had to give them the bad news that the flight was delayed 30 minutes. They were not too happy about this.

"Oh for the love of all that is holy!"

"No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!"

"This sucks!"

"Uhg, I can't take it anymore. I just want to go home."

As you can see, they are all throwing a mini tantrum. Thank God they are so small or else they would have gotten us kicked out of the airport.

I hope you enjoyed the Edwards traveling. In this upcoming week you can look forward to a Living With Edward Halloween post. And the Edwards may attempt pumpkin carving this week.

If you are looking for some Halloween costume ideas check out this past week's DML. Edward shows us how to make a great costume with not spending a lot of money. Then you can stop by on Friday night to play some DML for yourself! It is full of epic fun. I'm not even joking.

I Got Tagged, So I Tagged Edward

2010-10-14T22:18:00.004-04:00

Mrs. P over at TwiBite tagged me yesterday to answer some questions. I'm lazy. So I passed the buck on to Edward. It is his blog after all and he would probably not want me to answer questions about myself on it. So I gave Edward the task of answering the questions. I will probably answer them myself over at LwE's Random Musings.

So here are Edward's answers. He hopes you enjoy.

1) In the car, is it the radio or a CD?

Well, my human is always driving. She is in complete control of the music. If she is not, then bad things happen. It can be a bit annoying though because she can’t settle on one damn station and is constantly pushing the buttons on the steering wheel surfing the XM Radio until she finds something suitable to drive to. It drives me nuts!! Just pick a station for crying out loud! Or let me pick a station! Sometimes she does let me pick a CD if she is in a generous mood.

2) In the rain...is it an umbrella or a hood?

I’m pretty comfortable in the rain. A little water doesn’t bother me, so I really don’t need either. But that is a moot point because when outside in the rain I am usually in my human’s purse. If you are curious, she usually uses a hood or just runs. However, she is not very fast. It is quite sad.

3) What is your favorite season of the year?

I don’t have a preference for temperature since it doesn’t really affect me. So in that sense I enjoy all the aspects of each season. I like when the climate changes every few months. Keeps me from getting bored. But to pick a favorite, I would have to choose spring. The tasty animals are plentiful and just waking from their winter slumber. It is way easier to find a meal.

4) In bed...tell me about your pajamas.

I don’t sleep. Therefore, I have no pajamas. To tell the truth, I would not be caught dead in pajamas. Ironically enough, I wouldn’t be caught living in them either.

5) Do you get dressed in the bathroom or do you come out in a towel?

My clothing is irremovable, therefore, I am always dressed. But I have in the past put on a shirt in a room that is not a bathroom. However, I do have experience with using a towel. And I have used one in a bathroom before.

6) How many times a day do you ignore the phone when it rings?

I always ignore the phone when it rings. It’s not my phone. If I had my own phone the only person who would ever call me would be my human. I would most likely not ignore her phone calls. Only if I was hunting and a tasty morsel was near. But, come to think of it, if I had a phone Bella may try to call me. Those calls I would most certainly ignore. She drives me crazy! Seriously, what is her deal? I will find a way to get rid of her!

7) Tell me your best birthday present ever.

My human had forgotten my birthday this past year. Even though I went out of my way to throw her a surprise party for her birthday with my family. We even got her a bunch of presents! Whatever. I’m not bitter or anything. She did give me a gift once though. It didn’t turn out to well. Her gift to me was Bella. I don’t know what she was thinking. Now if she gave me Bella with the intention of, let’s say, I don’t know, taking me out to dinner, that would be ok. But I’m not allowed to drink her. Alice says bad things will happen if I do that and blah blah blah. Did I mention how much I can’t stand Bella! Ugh! She’s nuts!
I’ll prove it, too. Ok, this one time, not at band camp, I was using the computer to google North American Chipmunk species to familiarize myself with my dinner choices in the area. Well, Bella walked in and saw the chipmunk images on the screen and sat down next to me and just stared at the screen with intrigue and child like awe. I did not understand her reaction. After a few minutes she stated: “I just love this movie.”
I asked her “What movie?” She answered, “This one you’re watching. Alvin and the Chipmunks.” I replied, “Bella, this is google. It is showing me different species of chipmunks in the area that I can feed off of. Each image depicts a different website that gives information on the chipmunks such as habitat, feeding requirements, and breeding habits. It is purely educational. Not for entertainment.” Do you want to know what she said to that? She became indignant and shouted, “I know what the movie is about Edward! I’ve seen it before! God!” So I knocked her unconscious so I could finish my research in peace. Wait, did I ever answer the original question?

8) Neighbors...do you talk to them or are they strangers to you?

I have never talked to one of our neighbors. My human doesn’t really know them either. However, I wouldn’t call them strangers thanks to my mind reading ability. Also to the fact that I have broken into some of their houses on occasion to make sure they weren’t hiding anything that could be dangerous to my human. I did end up finding some interesting things on those outings. One of my neighbors, I won’t say who to keep their anonymity, has a very interesting pet. Well, they did have an interesting pet. I was curious about it's skills as a wrestler. Then I was curious about the taste of it’s blood. Then I was curious if anyone would ever find out it was me……….They didn’t. ;)

As If Edward's Ego Wasn't Big Enough

2010-10-13T19:57:00.002-04:00

Edward is convinced that the country of China loves him. How did Edward come to this conclusion? Through a fortune cookie that was probably made in America.

My husband and I have a ritual of ordering Chinese takeout and then eating it while watching The Big Bang Theory. Because you have to eat Chinese food when watching The Big Bang Theory. It just makes sense. Anyway, the restaurant I order the food from always gives us 3 fortune cookies even though we order for 2. I find this very intriguing and came to the conclusion that the third cookie is for Edward. Who else could it possibly be for? Well, last night, my theory was proved to be correct. The third cookie was definitely destined to be Edward's.

"I knew they loved me. China must be a Team Mini Edward country. You would make a fortune if you mass produced that shirt you have of me and sold them over there. Then you could buy a Volvo. I hear they are good, safe vehicles."

Hmmm. Perhaps that would be my big break.

Edwards At Play.....In Forks

2010-10-08T20:55:00.004-04:00

The Edwards found quite a few things to entertain themselves in Forks. They were fans of more of the natural recreations the area had to offer. They loved La Push, The Hoh Rainforest, and Lake Cresent. Here are some of the pics I took of them having their little vampy fun.

When I found out that I was going to Forks, the one thing I could not wait to do was take a picture of Edward on La Push. I just love to cheat the system! So off we went to La Push for some sight seeing, where I let the Edwards out of my bag.

Edward: Blue
Masen: Green
EC: Black
Newdward: Red
Me: Pink

"Here guys, feel free to roam around. It's safe I swear."
"Are you sure about that? We have specific instructions not to return here."
"Uh.....yeah, I'm sure. Go ahead. Here, let me take your picture."
"I'm not sure hard evidence of our presence here is such a good idea."
"Quit being a baby and stand by the damn rock! I need this shot!"
"I think you should just do what she says, man."
"Yeah dude, you are one more disobedient comment away from being thrown to the wolves......literally. Ha!"
The other Edwards laugh.
"Shut up."

So here is Edward by a rock on First Beach! I was so excited to get this shot.

Then the others decided to look around a bit too. They always stayed in a close group though. I think they were trying that whole safety in numbers thing.

"So, anyone see any wolves?"
"No. I haven't even seen a single Quileute tribe member."
"Me neither. I think they may just be a myth."
"You don't think they exist?"
"It doesn't matter what I think. I just don't see proof that they exist."
"Whoa, that's deep."

Later in the week we went back to La Push to visit Rialto Beach. We were hoping to catch the sunset but the clouds had come in. However, we did get to see the ocean be all crazy. The waves were friggin huge!! Anyway, the Edwards decided to play around on all the driftwood that was washed up on the beach.

Here is Edward climbing down a dead tree.

Here is Edward climbing up a dead tree.

Here is Edward and EC talking on dead tree.

"So, what do you think of this dead tree?"

"I like it."

"Me too."

"Uncanny."
"I know. Isn't weird that we like a lot of the same things?"

"No, not really."

"Yeah, I guess not."

Here the boys thought they smelled wolves coming so they hid under a dead tree that was hollowed out like a cave.

"Are they gone?"
"I think it was a false alarm."

"I really like it here at La Push. Tell me why we are not allowed here again."

"I really don't know. I was confused about that whole argument with the tribe."

"I think it was just a misunderstanding. I may have insulted someone's mom. They don't take to kindly to that around here."

"So we are not allowed here because of a "your mom" joke gone awry?"

"Pretty much. That's the impression I got anyway. Could be something else."

The Edwards really enjoyed The Hoh Rainforest. They had so much fun running around and climbing on everything. Here are a few pics of them that don't include them being frightened of large bugs.

I think Edward really likes hollowed out trees. He liked the color of this one.

Edward got stuck in some crazy moss.

Then the rest of the Edwards got stuck in the moss. It was fun watching them get out.

On our way back to Seattle we stopped at Lake Cresent to take some pics of the scenery. It was really beautiful. The Edwards enjoyed it very much.

"Hey Masen, are you bothered?"

"Yeah, I'm bothered."

"Me too."

Here the boys are enjoying the view from some mossy tree roots.

"Wooow, it's really pretty here."

"Dude, you are so gay."

"Your mom is gay."

"See! That right there is why we keep getting kicked out places."

"Your mom keeps getting kicked out of places."

"We're never going to be allowed anywhere again."

Edward Blow Down

2010-10-05T18:19:00.006-04:00

So here is my first Edward FOOORRRKKSS post. This post has something that no other of my posts have had before. A video!! The video and pics were all taken in the Hoh Rain Forest which is the most beautiful place I have ever been. I really want to go again. The Edwards really liked it there too. They said it is very tranquil and filled with so many yummy treats. (I ended up taking 4 Edwards to FOOORRKKS. Edward, Masen, EC, and Newdward.)

Anyway, there is a phenomenon that occurs in the forest called a Blow Down. By definition, this is when a giant tree falls and causes another to fall, and so on, like dominoes. While we were in the forest, there were many photo opportunities with the Edwards. I found a nice little Edward sized log for them to stand on, so they all climbed on top and then posed for me. But then it happened........

Here they are all standing nicely.

Then Edward fell off the log. And then that caused Newdward to lose his balance too.

Then EC was the next to go.

This left just Masen standing on the log by himself. He was extremely confused as to what was going on and why everyone was falling off the log. I myself was a bit unsure. I mean they are supposed to have extraordinary skills and reflexes. I don't quite know what can trigger an Edward Blow Down but they sure are funny. After this happened, my travel buddies, Dangrdafne and DangrDonna thought it would be good to start filming in case some more strange Edward Blow Down phenomenon would happen again. This is what was recorded.....

There was seriously this big huge bug that crawled in front of Edward right before he fell. I think it really frightened him. I already knew he was afraid of ghosts but I was not aware of a bug phobia. I guess Masen shares the same fear.

I think this is what went down.

Edward: Blue
Masen: Green
EC: Black
Newdward: Red

"This is really nice, guys. The four of us here with no Bella. I kind of feel bad for the others for having to stay home and watch her and look for Victoria."

"Yeah, you are all lucky that it was your names I pulled out of a hat."
"Yeah, we are!"
"I did give the others that project to do though, so that should occupy them a bit."
"Are you sure that project was a good idea? I mean, what will the human think?"
"I think she is going to love it!"
"I don't."
"Well, I've known her way longer than you, so.."
"Hey look at that huge bug!"
"What?!!"

"Edward!"
"Holy hell, that is a huge bug!"
"Ahhhh!"

"Guys, it's just a bug. EC, are you afraid of the bug?"
"Not at all. That fear must only afflict those of us with pea coats or something."
"Good observation. I didn't think of that."

"So, should we just leave them there?"
"With the bug?"
"How else are they going to get over it?"
"Don't you dare leave us here with that monster!!"
"Oh, for crying out loud."

Anyway, I'm pretty sure that is a more detailed description of how Edward Blow Downs can occur.

I mentioned in the video that Masen had moss on his head from an earlier face plant he took on the hike. Here is an up close photo of the moss stuck in his hair.

That's all for now. I am way too tired yet to do anymore. I will eventually show you what Edward's project was for the others to do while we were all in Forks. Let's just say that Edward has a strange sense for what he thinks I would like. I was going to rip him apart for it, but what he had the others do is growing on me and I am seeing the benefits of it even if it is a bit, uh, different.

Cupcakes Are Messy

2010-09-18T22:57:00.005-04:00

Some of my past posts have shown that Edward can be quite the little helper. He does so much for me at work. Granted it is to keep himself from getting bored and to try to keep me appeased so I don't flip out on him, because my work place has the tendency to make me Splode. And if he doesn't want to get the brunt of my Splodyness, then he knows to do a little work.

Anyway, Edward has been looking for new ways that he can be a help to me. Since I work at a bank and basically sit on my ass all day, I have gained some poundage in the past couple years. Edward knows how sad it makes me to not fit into my jeans and other loved clothing items, so he has tried a new tactic in helping me get back into my skinny jeans. I don't know how productive it will be or how well he will be able to execute this plan as he is not quite designed for such a task. You see, Edward has decided that I am way too infatuated with sweets and to stop me from eating them, he is going to eat them before I get to them.

One day, when I was out with Dangrdafne and DangrDonna, my FOOORRRKSS traveling buddies, I really had a craving for a Red Velvet cupcake. Well we eventually went to this market and they had them!! I was so excited. I bought it and took it home for later consumption. Then at home, when I got it out, I made a comment saying "Wow, I really shouldn't eat this." That is where Edward took things into his own hands. Literally.

"Don't worry love, I will take care of it for you. With my help, you will be back into those size sevens in no time."

Edward was really excited to help me and really went for it. However, Edward really overestimated his ability to complete this task.

"Edward! What did you do?"

"Oh god, help me. It hurts. What was I thinking?"
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Nooooo. I think I'm going to die."
"Edward, you are already dead."
"I think I'm going to die again."
"Well, you are a mess. Let's at least get you cleaned up."
"Give me a few minutes. I can't move."

So basically Edward did an impression of me on Thanksgiving and glutted himself. His plan to aid my weight loss goals may not be the smartest he has come up with.

After Edward recuperated, I suggested that he clean himself off. He laid on the bed for quite some time so the cupcake and icing had all dried to him. Getting it cleaned off was not going to be easy. I suggested a bath to Edward. He was not happy about it. I think a bath made him feel a bit emasculated. So I took him to the bathroom to show him how messy he was.

"Holy monkey nuggets!! That is a lot of cupcake! Draw the damn bath."

So I did. I turned on the water in the sink, pulled up the stopper and got the soap.

"Uh, it's pomegranate mango scented soap."
"Yes, well, I'm all out of the manly I just rolled in the mud, beating up all my friends, and then drank a six pack scented soap. Sorry."
"...........Fine."
I have no patience for his ego. So in the soap went and we filled up the sink.

After the sink was full, Edward was very apprehensive about getting in.

"Uh....it's a bubble bath."

"It's not intentionally a bubble bath. It's just the soap. That's what happens to soap when you put it in running water. It gets bubbly."

"Uh...it's sill a bubble bath."

"It's a soap bath. It's just soap. You need it. That cake and icing is dried to you. Water alone won't get it off."
"Um.....but...there's bubbles."

"What is wrong with the bubbles?"

"What's right with the bubbles?"

So I shoved him in the sink.

"That was mean."

Edward then scrubbed all the cake and icing off very quickly, hating the smell of it on him. After he was clean, though, he did decide to enjoy some of the more recreational aspects of the water.

Here he is swimming.

Edward even does the back stroke.

And then he reprimanded me.

"Would you stop taking pictures of my bath time. It's really creepy."

"Sorry."

Then Edward decided to just relax and enjoy the warm water for a while.

"You aren't going to stop, are you?"
"You know the answer to that question. Inquiring minds want to know."
"Uhg."

After a while Edward finally extracted himself from the bubbles.

"I may have forgotten to rinse."

"Yeah? What was your first clue?"
"You are really snarky today."

"And what was your first clue to that?"
"Uhg."

Edward may be losing patience with me. I think there is a statement about karma that can be inserted here.

After Edward rinsed himself off, he decided to shake himself dry.

"You know Edward, that is how dogs dry themselves."

Edward then opted for the towel.

The Search Has Been Called Off

2010-09-13T23:49:00.006-04:00

As you know, the Edwards have been given the task of looking for Bella after she went missing about two months ago. If you are unaware of this then peruse July 7th's post and you will see. Anyway, the search for Bella has not gone well at all. The last time Edward and EC saw her she had lost the Edward decoy in the woods and she left to get Edward a glass of water. The Edwards searched for weeks and found nothing. Not even the decoy. Since the boys did put forth their best effort, I did decide to take them off punishment and allow them their entertainments again. They were relieved to be able to watch TV and movies, and play video games again.

We all decided to call off the search for Bella. It was clear that if eight Edwards couldn't find her in two months, then they never were. There was much cheering and a huge celebration when I gave in to that decision. The boys are very happy being Bella free. They have digressed to there normal banter and shenanigans.

Words of Edward will be in BLUE. Other Edwards will be in the typical grey. It should not be too challenging to follow along. If it is may I suggest some Dr. Suess for you? I will give you more rainbow text guides later in the post when more characters arrive.

Here, Masen is talking with Newdward and Eddie.

"All I'm saying is that clearly, Cap'n Crunch is a really freaky spokes person for a cereal. First of all, he is a captain of a cereal for crying out loud, and he is majorly deformed."
"How so?"
"His eyebrows are on his hat!!"
"That's true. That is pretty freaky."
"That's what I'm trying to say!"

Yeah, they have really deep conversations.

Here is Cullen, Anthony, and Ed playing some kind of toss and keep away game. I'm not really sure about the specifics of it.

Edward and EC came and disrupted the others' fun when they were allowed to watch movies again.

"Hey guys! EC and I want to watch a movie. You wanna watch it with us?"

"17 Again!! I love that movie!"

"Me too!"

"I totally wish I was Zac Efron!"

"Hey, we should make a movie called 17 Still."

The boys laughed hysterically at this comment for a good eight minutes.

"Hey EC, what is with you and Zac Efron having matching outfits?"
"Shut up."

The Edwards then all went to the basement to watch their movie and there was much rejoicing.

I can't tell you how happy they have been since the search was called off and Bella has been out of the house. She really does put a damper on their happiness.

But something happened tonight to completely change the dynamic of the happy attitudes of the Edwards.

While I was making dinner, there was a knock on the back door. Edward went to get it.

"Son of a !"

Rainbow text guide: Victoria-RED Bella-BROWN Alice-PINK Jasper-GREEN

"Edward! I missed you!"

"What are you doing here, Victoria?"

"I have a couple of things that belong to you."

"That is where you are wrong."
"Oh? How so?"

"You only have one thing that belongs to me. And I will be taking it back now."

"Are you not concerned about your human?"

"Um...no....not particularly."

"Edward, this is my new friend, Vickie. She said that she would help me find you again. And she did. Isn't that great?"

"Oh, yes. I'm so grateful, I could just bite her head off."

"Oh Edward you are so silly."
"Yep, I'm a hoot. So......I guess I'll see you later."

"Wait, you are not going to try to fight me for her?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Well, because I'm a danger to her and will only drink her. Does that not upset you? It is supposed to upset you."

"Nope, I'm good."

"Uh....well then......here, you can have her back."

"No please, keep her."
"I really don't want to. She is remarkably irritating."

"Trust me, I know. Really, you can keep her."
"Oh, I couldn't. That is way to generous of you. I can't possibly accept."

"But you must. I insist. My gift to you for bringing back my decoy."
"Well...if you insist. I am thirsty. This really doesn't bother you?"

"Not at all. You are doing me a huge favor."

"Hm. Well, thank you. I guess, my dinner and I will be on our way."

"Have a good evening. Please feel free to come visit again."

"Oh Edward, you are so kind."
"Well, I really owe you one."

"I'll remember that."

With that, Victoria went to leave with dinner, I mean Bella. But Edward should have known that getting rid of Bella would not be so easy.

"Nooooo! Stop!"

"Crap."

"Edward, you can't send Bella away with Victoria! What were you thinking?!"

"I was thinking about all the peace it would bring me."

"Edward! You are so selfish. What would Carlisle say?"

Edward then hung his head in shame at the mention of Carlisle. Victoria was distracted enough for Alice and Jasper to make a move to save Bella.

"Quick, close the door!"

"I'm on it, baby!"

Alice got Bella inside, while Jasper was quickly closing the door on Victoria. However, he was not quick enough for Victoria's escape tactics.

She made it into the house just before it closed, and then hid from the other vampires.

"We are going to have to find her."

"She poses no immediate threat. We just have to keep an eye on Bella."

"Super."

"Oh, shut up, Edward. You are such an ass."

Alice, Jasper, and Edward then took a very clingy Bella to the rest of the crew to let them know what happened.

"Hey guys, look who's back?"

"Jasper! Hey man!"

"What's up my brother?"
"Good to see you again."

"No, not Jasper."

"Oh, hey, the decoy is back!"
"I missed that thing."

"I'm so glad it's safe!"
"Ugh! Idiots! Bella is back you freaks."

"Aww man."

"Seriously? I thought we were done with the whole Bella thing."

"Wait. Today is September 13th. She came back on her birthday? Crap, now we have to get her a present."

"I'm moving."

"No one is going anywhere. Victoria is in the house and we need to keep Bella safe from her."

"Sweet! Vampire hide and seek!"

"Wahoo!"

With that, the crew went on their mission, although they thought it was more of a game.

Since everyone left in such a hurry, Edward was left with Bella. He was clearly not happy about the arrangement.

"Edward, it's still my birthday. Can I ask one thing?"

"Oh dear god."

"Can you take me to Red Robin? I got an email for a free birthday burger."

"Oh...yeah, sure...I guess."

"Then you can kiss me."

"Oh hell."

It Is Always Important To Know That Edward Is A Vampire

2010-09-05T20:43:00.006-04:00

This past Friday was my nephew's 3rd birthday and his party was at my brother's house. A couple of my family members were there and some of my sister in law's. It was a fun little shindig complete with cake, presents, and lemonade. I'm sure you have all been to some kind of birthday party, so I don't need to elaborate on the details.

Needless to say, Edward came along because, you know he goes everywhere. Edward thought I would find it funny if he pretended to be obsessed with the cupcakes.

"Mine!" He's so silly. Next he'll tell me he wants a tattoo.

Then Edward got a bit upset about something he found in the kitchen.

"What is this?! This is supposed to be a party for children!"

"That is why it is up on the fridge, Edward. The kids can't find it there. They are too small."

"Love, have you seen how tall I am? I had no problem finding it."

I did not answer him. It seemed a futile argument.

At some point during the night my nephew and his 4 year old cousin were chasing each other through the kitchen. They would catch each other and then poke the other with some little toys they were holding and start chasing each other again. It was at this point that I noticed the toys they were carrying and was instantly brought to a point of nostalgia. I recognized the little action figures they were playing with as toys that I have not seen in YEEEEAARRRSS. I could not believe my eyes. I asked them if I could see what they had and I was floored. My brother had kept all of our old G.I. Joes and most of our Ninja Turtles from when we were kids. My sister in law then told me where I could find the rest. So off I went to the toy room to look through a lot of my childhood toys. I was so excited! My husband was also excited to see some of the same toys he had as a kid too. Edward however, was a bit jealous. He does not like to be reminded of a time when my affections belonged to other action figures. When he came into the room to see what the big fuss what about, it turned out that the G.I. Joes and Ninja Turtles were not to fond of him either. They did not trust him and saw him as dangerous and immediately staged an attack. Edward was not having it. The first G.I. Joe to make a move was immediately thwarted by Edward.

This angered the rest of them and more came after Edward. They did not expect the strength they encountered with what they called "that pea coat wearing pansy". That angered Edward.

Sergent Slaughter was no match for Edward. "I wasn't impressed with you in the 80's and I'm not impressed with you now!"

Neither was that reptile looking guy. Then Edward was met with a new adversary.

"Your kidding me, right? A turtle? Come on now."

Shredder quickly joined the onslaught.

"Ok, the shirtless dude is kind of creepy. I don't like the way he's looking at me."

Some of the other action figures quickly had Edward surrounded.

Edward had finally had enough of their threatening and dropped the G.I. Joes and turned on the Ninja Turtle figures and the Star Wars Pez.

"I don't care if she cared about you all at one time! She is my human now!"

Edward went on a rampage! He had no mercy for his attackers.

He had them defeated in a matter of seconds. However, he didn't have it in him to destroy Yoda. He said that Yoda holds way too much wisdom and should not be destroyed. He is way too valuable.

Edward did however take revenge on the rest of the G.I. Joes and Ninja Turtles. It was an absolute massacre.

Look at all that destruction. Sometimes I forget what Edward is capable of. It was a sad day in the toy room. I am going to miss all those little guys. But they did attack Edward, and that does piss me off. So they had it coming.

Later that night Edward made a comment to me about the violent event.

"You know, it's true what they say. Knowing is half the battle. It's just too bad that they didn't know I was a vampire."

I'm Speechless

2010-08-27T22:10:00.002-04:00

Would some one please come up with a caption for this photo. I have absolutely no clue what is going on here.

In this photo: Edward, Mocha from Travels with Mocha, Dangrdafne's Mini-E

Leave your answers in the comments.

Vacation Odds And Ends

2010-08-22T20:57:00.003-04:00

Here is the last of the vacation posts. Then we can get back to our regularly scheduled posts. I bet you are all wondering what happened to Bella and if the Edwards found her, how the clan is getting along, or if EC has successfully house trained his new wolf. Oh wait, that's something I'm wondering.

Anyway, here is the last of the Michigan adventures of Edward and Masen.

This first pic is of Edward and Masen in the back of the drivers seat in my dad's truck.

"Where are we going?"
"Some place called Pentwater."
"What the hell is a Pentwater."
"Clearly it's a town, you vile speaking heathen."
"Did you just call me a heathen?"
"I most certainly did."
"......Alright."

On the last day of our trip we were able to go out on a big 30 foot fishing boat out on Lake Michigan. There were 5 foot waves that day which made it really fun since the fish weren't biting at all. Edward really enjoyed the boat ride. Here is posing by the down riggers.

Then he got really excited when the boat went fast.

"Wahoooooo!! I'm on a boat!!" Yes you are Edward.

Edward and Masen both got to see something they have never seen before. My dad caught this on a lure while fishing in the channel. The lure snagged it from the bottom.

"Uuuh, you didn't just do that, did you?"

"What? No! That's ludicrous. It came out of the lake."

"Oh, good. I was worried there for a moment. What is it?"

"The human's father says it's Zebra Mussels."

"That can't be right. It looks like a whole bunch of little clams stuck together. It looks nothing like the muscle tissue of an animal. Especially of an animal that doesn't inhabit this Continent!"

"I know. That's what I said. But he was adamant about them being Zebra Mussels."

"Guys, they are called Zebra Mussels because of the zebra like stripes on the shell. You can't see them now because of all the goo on them. That's just what they are called. They aren't literally the muscles of a zebra."

"Oh, that makes more sense."

Last time Edward went to Michigan with us he didn't get to really fish with us. I didn't get a pole his size. He did however jump into the lake and pull out an 18 pound salmon. If you peruse the posts from last November, I think, you will see a picture of him with it.

This year I was finally able to find an Edward sized fishing pole. So he got to do some real fishing. Here is him and Masen fishing at a marina on White Lake.

"So you just put the lure in the water and wait?"

"Yep."

"We wait for the fish to hook himself?"

"Yep."

"So there is nothing we can do until that happens?"

"Nope."

"We can't do anything to make the fish bite quicker?"
"Nope."

"Well this seems like a pointless sport."
"Yep."

Despite the Edwards' attitude, they stuck it out and waited. Patience is very easy for vampires, or so they say. I can disagree with this statement sometimes.

Eventually their patience was rewarded.

"We got one!"

The boys were very excited to catch their first fish.....legally. Here they are with their catch, looking pensive.

There are some incredibly beautiful sunsets on Lake Michigan. It looks a lot like the ocean there with the sun setting right on the water. Here is what a typical sunset on the lake looks like.

Isn't it beautiful. Edward absolutely loved the sunsets. He was so moved by them, that they actually brought out Edward's artistic side. So Edward got himself a paint set and skillfully made himself and easel out of pens and tape, and went to the pier to try to recreate the view onto paper.

Edward stepped back to admire his work.

Then Masen approached to view Edward's masterpiece.

"What do you think?"

"Well, it's uh......is the sun smiling?"

"Yeah, it's my artistic depiction of the sun's emotion."

"Oh, then it's perfect."

"Really? Thanks! It's my very first painting."

"No kidding?"

After he was finished with the sunset, Edward decided to find a different muse.

"Now that's perfect."

That's it for the vacation adventures. I hoped you enjoyed them. The boys certainly did. And no I didn't forget to post Edward's reflection. I have been very sick this weekend with food poisoning and do not feel like taking a pic of it, uploading it to the computer and all that blah blah blah. And I didn't want to put off this post any longer. We have a story to continue. Basically, all you need to know is Edward enjoyed his vacation.

Extreme Sports Are Not For Everyone

2010-08-17T20:26:00.005-04:00

As you may recall, Edward had packed his skateboard along for his vacation. When he decided to bring Masen I knew that we were going to need another one. I figure the best way to end a fight is to not have it start at all. So I went to the store and got another one for Masen.

One afternoon the boys thought that they would take advantage of my dad's back porch area that is cemented over and practice their "mad skillz", which I soon found out were very limited. I think that the vampires, with the super speed and strength, forget that the inanimate objects they happen to be rolling on do not possess these super skills.

Here is Edward and Masen with their boards. They were going for an edgy look.

The boys started off simple. They were just skating around testing their balance, speed, and abilities.

After they felt comfortable on the boards they started to get a bit more adventurous. Masen decided to try something cool first.

"Hey Edward, watch this!"

Masen did some kind of jumpy thing that was way too fast to photograph, but the end result was pretty easy to catch.

"I don't think you did it right."

"You think?! God, sometimes you are so stupid."

"Me? I'm not the one who thought it would be fun to ride in the front end of the human's car and then ended up damaging one of the bushings."

"You promised not to bring that up! And anyway, the damage was covered in the warranty. And don't forget the time you tried to push the gas pedal through the floor."

"It wasn't going fast enough! And how did you know about that?"

"EC told me."

"I'm going to kill him! Then I'm going to kill you!"

"Your mom."
"Ugh."

I love how well they get along and how respectful they are of my things.

Next the boys decided to have a race down the picnic table.

However neither of them won because they forgot to decide what they were going to do when they reached the end of the table.

Apparently the decision was to just fall to their demise. Silly vampires.

They continued to race around on the ground and attempt different tricks without breaking or damaging the boards. It was not as easy as they thought it would be. Here Masen was going at a decent speed and I think he thought that he would just be able to take the skateboard over the grass.

He was clearly wrong.

"Ooomf!"

Then Edward sped up to the scene thinking he could best Masen in skill.

Edward was a bit over confident.

"Ooomf!"

That was Edward and Masen's skateboarding adventures. I hoped you enjoyed it more than they did.

Here is Edward's reflection on skateboards.

Edward And Masen Go To The Beach

2010-08-12T20:09:00.006-04:00

We were very fortunate this year to be able to have an actual beach day in Michigan. White Lake is out of the question for swimming for me. The water looks gross. It is brown and mucky. But Lake Michigan is gorgeous. The water is so clear and where it is deep, it looks blue. And it is so big that it looks like the ocean. The only problem is that the water temp. is usually around 47 degrees. That is not swimmable to me, however it is to some of the locals. There has been some different weather patterns in the area this year that have caused the water temp. to be around 78 degrees. Now that I like. It was glorious! We had such a good time at the beach. Even Edward and Masen had a blast. They started the trip with a bit of a swim.

"The current is really strong."
"I know. It's awesome!"
"Where do you think it will take us?"
"I don't know. Let's find out."

So the boys decided to just let go and see where the Lake would carry them. First it took them a bit further into the water. Yes, they are both there. Can you see them? They are having a blast.

But then it spilled them back on to the shore.

"Well that didn't last very long."

"What the hell is that all about?"

"We've talked about this. Watch your mouth."

"Sorry."

Masen continued to play in the water while Edward tried to free himself from the sand trap he seemed to have found himself in.

"I'm going back out in the water."

"Uh, Masen, I kinda got a situation here."

Masen was way too busy to help out his brother. All we could hear were unintelligible under water mumblings.

Eventually Masen resurfaced.

"Wahooooo!" He was having a great time.

"Masen! I have been calling for your help. Now get over here before I kick your ass!"

"Edward! I don't want to have to tell you again about your language. That is enough!"

"Uhg, just help me out."

Masen helped Edward out, but just in time for a new wave to wash them both up on the shore.

"I think the lake just kicked both our asses. Are you happy?"

"Not with you speaking that way, but I am happy that I am no longer stuck."

"Your mom is no longer stuck."

The boys both laughed for a few minutes at the "your mom" joke.

Then they decided to get dried off and take a break from the ass kicking water.

So the Edwards set their sights on digging a big friggin hole in the sand. It kept them out of trouble and I am all up for things that accomplish that.

"How did you get your side so smooth?"

"I don't keep falling into it."

"You should try it. It's fun."

"Your mom is fun."

"You may have crossed a line there."

"What are you going to do about it? Kick my ass?"

"Edward!! I have had it!"

"Hey, why don't you guys build me a mountain?!" I needed to take control before there was a contest to see who could rip the most limbs off the other vamp. The boys were easily distracted, as usual, and set to the task.

After they finished the mountain, Edward wanted to try some other type of sand sculpting. He asked Masen to help him.

I really wasn't sure what to think of it.

"Uh, Edward, that is an interesting choice of uh...shapes."
"What do you mean? It's a mermaid."

"Really?"

"Yes. What else do you think it would be?"

I didn't answer......out loud.

"Ew, gross. Get your head out of the gutter. How on earth could you think I would do that? It is clearly a mermaid."

"It doesn't look like a mermaid."

"Well it is a mermaid."
"No it's not. It's a merman."

"Oh, it sure looks like a man."

"Ok, I'm out of here."

Masen got out of the sculpture. Edward was still persistent that he was not being perverse.

"See? Under my feet is the fin. It's a fin."

While Edward was trying to convince me of his innocence, Masen had his own problems to deal with.

"Um, Edward, I kinda got a situation here."

Here is Edward's reflection from the day.

Cat Stalking

2010-08-09T21:57:00.006-04:00

After miles and miles of construction traffic, we are all safely home from Michigan. The drive should be about 11 1/2 hours. Thanks to route 80 needing more attention than the cast of the Jersey Shore, the drive home took over 16 hours!! That is the longest it has ever taken. I was so exhausted when we got home at 12:30 last night. So I took off work today to get rejuvenated before having to go to work.

I know all of you are impatiently waiting for Edward and Masen's adventures from Michigan. You shall wait no longer. There are too many photos for just one post so there will be about 4 or 5. I know that you are most excited. I know I am and I was there!

For those of you who are new, let me introduce you to rainbow text.

Words of :
Edward: Blue
Masen: Green
Me: Pink

The drive to Michigan took 12 hours. The boys were BORED. They were very happy when we arrived.

"Oh, thank heavens we are here."
"Damn that was a long drive."
"Don't swear."
"Sorry."

The next morning, the boys decided to explore the house. They were very pleased to find my dad's cat, Shadow.

I was afraid of what their plans for Shadow might be so I gave them a bit of a warning.

"Now boys, Shadow is not a snack, meal, or tasty morsel. He is my dad's pet and you can't drink him."
"Yes, yes. We know. We just want to play with him. By the way, are you ever going to introduce me to an animal I can drink?"
"Uhhhh, if we get mice in the house maybe."
"Mice, lovely."
Edward was not appreciative. Anyway, the boys tried to get Shadow's attention.

"Here kitty kitty."

"I don't think he cares."
"Sure he does. Give him a minute."

Sure enough Edward pissed off Shadow enough to get a reaction out of him.

However, Edward greatly underestimated the cat's strength.

"Uh oh."

"What the hell? That damn cat knocked me to the floor!"

"Don't swear."

"Shut up."

Seeing Edward flung to the floor brought out the competitive side of Masen. He thought that he would now take a chance in dominating the cat when Edward couldn't.

He tried to use the element of surprise.

But Masen obviously gained the cat's attention.

So he tried to move quickly again.

But was still noticed by the cat. Then Masen made the mistake of making another quick movement. This only made Shadow lunge for the annoying vampire.

"Oh my god! He's got my arm! HE'S GOT MY ARM!!"

Masen continued to struggle not realizing that would only excite the cat's reaction.

"Help!! I've become the meal! How did this happen?!" Masen grew intolerant of his situation and finally evaded the cat's vicious jaws and tried another tactic. He thought hiding behind a wall would be a better offensive position.

He was wrong.

"Claws in the pea coat! Claws in the pea coat!!!"

Edward had had enough. He was going to end the cat once and for all. He decided to bring out the big guns. Literally.

"Oh no! Edward has a gun!"

"Alright cat. That is the last time you will ever sink your teeth into a vampire. Now is the time for retribution! You will pay for your transgressions today! No more Mr. Nice Vamp. Go ahead, kitty. Make my day."

Edward got a little too lost in his speech and missed the cat make his get away.

"Kitty?"

"Crap!"

Edward and Masen now have a new found respect for cats, I think. Their experience with Shadow only led to more of this.

"I hurt."

"Me too."

"Should we tell the other Edwards about this when we get home?"

"Absolutely not!"

"If the human thinks about it, they will know."

"Damn."

"Don't swear."

"Ugh."

Here is Edward's reflection from the experience.

Edward Packs For Vacation

2010-07-29T21:32:00.005-04:00

I have some news that may be upsetting to some of you. To others it may be glorious. I am going on vacation for a week and will be AWOL. I will have some internet access on my trip but don't know how much interneting I will be doing. I will get to check in here and there so hopefully you won't all have to go through withdrawal.

On Sunday we are leaving for Michigan. My daddy lives up there and we go a couple times a year to visit. He is right near two lakes, so there is plenty to do and plenty of things and wildlife to keep Edward entertained. I told Edward that he should start thinking about what he wants to pack. Before Edward could pack, he needed to solve a certain packing dilemma first.

"Love, I don't have a suit case."
"Oh. Let me find you something you can use."

So I went searching for something suitable for Edward to use. I don't have any mini suitcases. I thought about letting him use one of my small purses, but he growled at that idea. I looked and looked until I settled for the only thing that could pose as good Edward luggage.

"Are you kidding me?"
"It's all I have!"
"Fine......Stupid tool. Guy wouldn't know how to play a vampire if one slapped him up side the head and gave him implicit instructions on how to do so."
"What was that, Edward?"
"I said thank you for letting me use this. It's really nice."
"Your welcome."

Edward then started to rummage around looking for things that he would like to take with him.

"Edward, why are you taking your umbrella?"

"It might rain. Why else would I take it?"

"Well, you don't really need it. If it rains you can hop in my purse."

"That could look conspicuous. Humans don't jump in someone else's purse when it rains."

"Silly me. What was I thinking?"

Next Edward packed something for extra curricular fun.

"I definitely want my skateboard. Everyone will so forget about Tony Hawk after they've seen my mad skills."

"Edward, most people have already forgotten about Tony Hawk."

"Then my work is almost done."

Edward packed his shirts next.

"I will definitely be the most styling vamp there."
"Edward, you will be the only vamp there."
"Then I will still be the most styling."

"Good point."

Then Edward grabbed the little E post its he got me for my birthday.

"Why are you taking those?"

"For my journaling. There is a lot of time to reflect on vacation. And this is the smallest source of paper we have. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Knock yourself out."
"Ha! Like I could be knocked out. You are so absurd sometimes."

"Edward, you are absurd all the time."
"I'm going to do you a favor and take that as a joke."

Then Edward packed a pen for his "reflecting". I really can't wait to see Edward's reflections.

The last thing Edward packed was his most needed necessity.

After all, it can get windy by Lake Michigan.

Just when I thought Edward was done, he said he forgot something very important. And boy was he right.

Can't travel without Mrs. P. That is like sacrilege.

Edward was finally done packing. He started to close up the lunch box when I asked him a question.

"Edward, do you think you might want to take one of the new Edwards with you? You know, so you can have a friend you can hang out with when us humans go out to eat or anything like that?"

Edward contemplated this for a moment. He seemed to be on the fence about it for a bit before he made up his mind.

"That seems like a good idea. I think I'll take Masen with me. We seem to have a lot in common." Edward ran off all of the sudden. I suspected it was to tell Masen about the trip. I didn't expect Edward to take it a step further.

"What are you doing?!! Let me go!"

"We are just going on a trip."

"That's what they told Jimmy Hoffa!"

"Ugh..Stop being difficult and get in the box!"

"No!"

"No? You are going in the box and you are going to Michigan! We are going to have fun whether you like it or not!"

Edward threw Masen into the lunch box and the two vamps started an epic battle for control.

"I don't want to be locked in the box. I'm claustrophobic!"

"Don't be such a baby!"

"Help!"

"Shut up! Stop wiggling!"

"Let go!"

"Never!"

"You are insane!"

"And you are cargo. Now get in there!"

The struggle continued for a few minutes.

Edward had the upper hand. It wasn't looking good for Masen.

"It's just vacation. Nothing to be scared of!"

"I'm scared of dark enclosed places! And you shoving me into one!"

"Oh my god!! You can see in the dark! Now get in there!"

Edward gave on last shove and Masen succumbed to the lunch box. Edward quickly shut the lid and locked Masen inside.

"Um, Edward, we don't leave until Sunday. Do really think Masen should be locked in there till then?"
"He's fine. He'll calm down in a few hours."

"But he really isn't comfortable in there..."

"I said he's fine!"

"Oookaaay."

I have no idea what that was all about. Who am I to have Edward all figured out. He is more complex than a woman.

Anyway, Edward is all ready for Michigan with his luggage in hand.

"Alright, I'm ready. Which way is Michigan?"

Until next time my little chickadees. I'll miss you all. Don't have too much fun without me. And you all know where to reach me if something important happens. And hopefully Masen comes home alive.

Super Heroes

2010-07-28T22:46:00.003-04:00

Want to see some awesome super heroes? Go here! I made them myself!

The Clan

2010-07-22T19:35:00.007-04:00

As you know, the Edwards lost Bella recently and have been put on punishment until they find her. If you didn't know that, then you need to go read some older posts. I would link them here for your convenience, but I have a bad headache and don't feel like it. I'm sure they are easy enough to find.

Anyway, finding punishments for Edwards is a difficult task, because first they have to actually work, and second the punishment has to be very unenjoyable. So taking away forms of entertainment, such as TV, movies, video games, and the internet, from a creature who never sleeps or gets tired, is a very good punishment. The only down fall to this punishment is that it results in cranky vamps, which then punishes me. It's a vicious cycle. So I don't know why I keep bringing these Edwards into my home when I know the aggravations it can cause me. Either I have a strong heart for these little guys or I have an epic problem that I should seek out professional help for. I choose to believe the first.

One day, I took advantage of the Edwards' punishment while they were looking for Bella, and went out to the mall. I really need to stay out of Toys R Us, because every time I go there I seem to bring home an Edward. So when I came home, I quick ran up to my room to drop off my purse and then found Edward and EC still on their hunt.

Edward: Blue
EC: Green
Me: Pink

"Hmm, she's not in the dog crate. You think she would like it in here."
"Ha! Good one."

"Dude, you totally should have known better than to look in the beauty products."

"I thought that there may have been a chance she took the hint. Guess not."

"Is she in there?"

"Nope. I really can't believe she isn't stuck in the spaghetti. I guess she can learn from her mistakes."

While I watched the two little vamps searching the house, Edward caught something in my thoughts. He glared at me and then ran up the stairs with EC following. They both ran into my room and confronted my purse.

New Edward: Red

"Hi!"

"Who are you?"

"Not again!"

"I'm your new room mate. It's nice to meet you."

"I'm sure you'll fit in nicely here."

"Why are you here?"

"Edward, where are your manners? Be nice to him."
"I don't want to cause any trouble, but if you treat me disrespectfully, I will have to break your face."

"He's been here all of five minutes and has already managed to be completely condescending."

"Of course he is condescending. He's you!"

Edward huffs. "I don't understand. Why do you keep bringing home more? Am I not enough for you? Do you not like me anymore?" Insecure sad Edward is heartbreaking.

"Edward, you know I love you. It has nothing to do with you. I just love all you little guys. And there are plenty of homeless Edwards out there that need some where to live."

Then I accidentally let something in my thoughts slip. Edward snarled.

"What do you mean plenty?"

"Well, uh....." Then I couldn't not think of what I was trying to hide.

"You have more?!"

"I love you, Edward." Trying to flatter him didn't really do anything for me.

"Show me, now!"

So off I went to fetch my hidden Edwards.

"Here are the twins. Well, they are not really twins. I just call them that."

The twins greeted the other Edwards cheerfully, both happy to be out of hiding.

"Where did you get that jacket?"

"The human gave it to me. She said you never wear it."

"She gave you my jacket?!"

"You never even wore it!! What's the big deal?!"

"I'll show you a big deal!!"

"Your mom is a big deal!"

"Okay, enough! Can we move on?"

"You mean there are more than these two knuckle heads?"

I sighed and went to the closet to bring back someone else.

The two Edward's stood like that for a few minutes contemplating their alter ego across from them.

"Well, this is awkward."
"I'll say."
"Love, what are we going to do with all of them?"

"Um....that's not.....all of them."

"What?!!"

"I'll be right back."

I went back to the closet. I think Edward is going to kill me.

"Oh come on!!"

"That's all of them, I swear."
"What were you thinking? We all won't fit in your purse. Not with all the crap you have in there, anyway."

"Edward, you are still the only one I'm going to take everywhere. None of them can replace you. I might bring another one of them with us sometimes just to get them out of the house, but you have nothing to worry about. And you have been having a lot of fun with EC."

Edward sighs in resignation. "Yes, that is true. As long as you don't neglect me, I can try to deal with it all. But if any of them get out of line...."

"Edward, you have gotten out of line countless times and you are still perfectly in tact. You can at least show them the same courtesy."
"Fine. Well I guess we should let the other two out of the boxes. They can all at least help look for Bella."

"Good idea."

I went to go get the the scissors and Edward noticed something on the packaging of the other Edwards.

"They're ming readers? How do they do that?"

"Your packaging said the same thing. Apparently you are also a ming reader."

"I am? Must be something that is not developed yet. I'll have to look into that."

I let the other Edwards out and the whole group started to get acquainted with each other and laugh about while Edward looked on with trepidation.

I don't think Edward was comfortable with the situation. Vamps are pretty territorial after all, and here there are seven more invading his home. I really hope he gets used to it.

As Edward watched, the other Edwards were starting their own little conversations.

(I won't be using rainbow text for the other Edwards. That would be too many colors and would get monotonous. I'm sure you will be able to follow along. You are all a bunch of smart cookies.)

"Wow, nice jacket. Where did you get that?"

"The human made it. There is another one on the dresser if you want it."

"Score!" The Edward ran straight to the dresser to claim the coat before anyone else did.

"What do you think, guys?"

"Looks good."

"I like it."

"Very nice."

"It makes you look tough."
"It makes you look like a vampire."

"That's what I was going for!"

"The human is very talented."

"Yes, she seems very nice. I really like her."

"She's really cute, too. Did you all notice that?"

"I did!"

"It's all I notice."

"Hey!! I think we all need to have a little chat. Everyone line up against the wall."

Edward got really angry and took control of the situation. The others must have seen his anger in his thoughts because they all listened.

"First off, no one will speak disrespectfully about MY human. That's a sure fire way to loose a limb. Secondly, you three on the end, do either of you know how to ming read?"

"No."

"I was confused about that, too."

"I was going to ask you that."
"We will have to look into it later I guess. The third order of business is I'm Edward. You are all going to have to go by a different name or else things are going to get way too confusing around here."

Edward started with EC and went down the line re-naming everyone.

"Ok, we have already established that you are EC. Um, you we will call.....Newdward."
"Newdward? I don't like what that implies."

"Oh, come on. Your clothes are practically falling off as it is."
"Yeah, okay." Edward continued.
"Ok, the twins we can call Ed and Eddie. That seems fitting. And then you three we can call ...... Anthony, Masen, and Cullen."

All of the Edwards agreed to their new names. Then Edward started to debrief them on the situation at hand.

"Alright boys, we have a mission to accomplish."

All of the Edwards listened on with intrigue wanting to get in on the action.

"Last week Bella went missing and it is up to all of us to find her."

There were collective groans of disappointment.

"Do we really have to find her?"

"EC, would you like to tell the rest of the group why we need to find Bella?"

"The human has a Zippo."

At that, the group scattered quickly around the house and outside wanting Bella to be found as soon as possible.

However, Edward, Anthony, Masen, and Cullen stayed behind to figure out the answers to what they thought was a more pressing matter.

Edward Went To The Movies

2010-07-18T19:56:00.002-04:00

I finally went to go see Eclipse for the second time! Thanks DD!! The movie is way better the second time. Mostly because I know what to expect and don't constantly say "That's now how it went in the book, what a fail." And albeit a really fun experience, I think the actual movie is better when you are not constantly making fun of it with your own commentary with the person next to you. ie: Mrs. P. But after my misgivings the first time seeing it, I completely fell in love with it the second time. I love this movie so much.

Jasper has the whole vampire thing down. He really reminded me of Louis from Interview With a Vampire. And I don't care what anyone else says, I loved the hair. The wig may have looked a bit like a wig at a couple of spots but that hair on him was very nice.

I loved Rosalie. I thought Nikki did a great job with the character, especially during the talk with Bella. Again, I could really feel the vamp vibe coming from her. This is the first movie I actually can really tell the Cullen's are vampires.

And I really loved the ravine chase scene. So cool. And all of the action scenes. During the training scene, when the wolves came onto the screen, my husband said, "Huh, they decided to come in uniform." I LOLed.

I won't give you a full review, there are plenty of other blogs you can get those at. I think we may have all overdone it with the reviewing. I just wanted to say that I really loved Eclipse and share a few thoughts.

Wait, I titled this post Edward Went To The Movies, didn't I? Hmm, so I guess I should tell you little bit about Edward's experience with the film. Since we already know that the books and films are a fabricated lie of the true events, according to Edward, Edward wasn't that thrilled with going, but does find the movie to have entertaining merit. But seeing the film was not the most exciting thing for Edward today. You see, since Edward can't eat things like popcorn or M&M's, he had to smuggle in his own snack from home.

Edward enjoyed snack time the most during the event.

You Made My Day!

2010-07-17T21:30:00.003-04:00

I was having a poopy day today. At first work was yucky. The customers today, I really don't know what the odds are that pretty much every person that walked into the bank today was dropped on their heads repeatedly as children. It really is a shame that there are so many out there like that, and they all come to my bank. Then my mandatory after work activity was not on my list of things I think are fun and enjoyable. So, I pretty much had a bad day. But the mail box changed all of that.

When I opened it there were two items inside that were for me that made me go "Squeeee!" The first was a thoughtful little gift from Dangrdafne. Thank you DD! LwE and Mr. LwE will be enjoying some Eclipse goodness real soon! I can't wait.

The second item was one of the famous totes made by a very talented follower in the Bloggosphere, Munkee. Some of these totes can be found at Twired, TwiBite, 17forever and MissAmyJoon. But I think mine is the best! LOL Look at how beautiful it is, and not just Rob, the tote, too.

Here is the front:

And the back:

And the inside:

Aw, look at that sad face. Why so sullen Edward Cullen?

Munkee thought of everything. There is a special spot just for Edward! He has already made himself at home in the inside pocket. Here he is waving:

We have all learned that Edward thinks Rob is a huge tool, so I was confused to see him so at home in the tote. I think it is because he saw how much I liked it and is afraid I might start liking the tote better than him.

Isn't it pretty? I love it! Munkee could totally make a fortune in FORKS! I can't wait to use it, but to be honest I am scared because I don't want to get it dirty.

More Musings

2010-07-13T22:53:00.002-04:00

Fortune Cookies will never be the same for me. I'm ruined. But it's extremely fun! Click this to get in on the fun.

Time For More Candids

2010-07-10T22:50:00.002-04:00

It's that time again. Time for more Edward randomness. Hope you enjoy.

Warning: I know there are some of you out there that fear certain creatures, such as wh*les. This post contains a reptile, albeit a cute one, I want to let you know in case it may frighten you.

Edward was fortunate enough to be able to meet an iguana one day. This iguana's name was Ziggy. Edward thought he was pretty cool. Here they are sharing some kind of look.

Then they posed for a photo.

In case you were wondering, Edward did not find the cold blooded creature tempting at all.

On the 4th of July, I went to my brother's house for some burgers and such. It was going to be the first time my almost 3 year old nephew was going to be using sparklers, so I thought that this could also be the first time Edward uses sparklers. Edward's eyes widened in fear when he heard the thought. "Um, love, you do understand that involves fire, right?" Needless to say, he was nervous. I assured Edward that it really isn't fire, just sparks and that he should be fine. He eventually agreed to try, although I think it was because Edward didn't want to look like a wimp in front of my brother.

As you can see, Edward is holding the sparkler in trepidation. And he doesn't seem so fond of the lighter being held over his head that way. "Are you sure about this?!"

"Edward, you'll be fine. In fact, it won't even harm your pea coat!"
After the sparkler was lit, Edward seemed fascinated by the sparks flying everywhere.

"Oh, it's pretty." Edward started to feel more comfortable.

After not being harmed by the sparkly toy, Edward was then excited for the next one. He had a lot more fun with the second one.

"Wahoo!! Look at me. I'm celebrating Independence!" Good job Edward.

There was a pretty interesting time one day at work when I was going to order Chinese food. I was getting ready to leave and needed to call in the order so it would be ready on my way home. Seeing that I was busy with work related things, the Edwards decided to call in my order.

"Um, so what does she usually order?"

"The chicken."

"Dude, there is like twenty different kinds of chicken here."

"Uh, the uh, one with the army guy, I think."

"Uhhhhh.....army guy? Oh, wait, the General Tso's?"

"Yeah! That's it!"

Edward called the restaurant.

"Hi, I'd like to place an order for take out. I want two orders of General Tso's chicken. One spicy and one mild and both with chicken fried rice. And can you make sure the chicken is actually chicken, I can't have my human eating cute fuzzy pets or road kill...... I don't think that is an inappropriate request..... You and I both know that the chicken actually being chicken is rare from some restaurants, I'm only taking proper precautions. .........Why are you screaming at me? .........I know what you are saying, I speak Cantonese and that is not very professional language. Hello? Hello, are you there? He hung up on me!" Thirty minutes later my husband and I were eating pizza for dinner.

After EC arrived here I did take him to work with me and Edward. He was pretty underwhelmed at my job and found it pretty boring. He was finding the most mundane things to pass the time. Here he is making foot prints on post it notes. I told you it was mundane.

"I hope this doesn't ruin my shoes."

When Edward saw how desperate EC was for amusement, he decided to intervene and show him some fun that could be had at the bank.

"Dude! You totally have to try this!"

"WAHOO!!!" EC liked it. So the boys rode the drive thru tube until the mechanism broke. Again. But our tubes break every week, so it really wasn't a big deal.

Yesterday I finally got my new glasses. One of the only good things about my job is the generous vision benefits so I got to get myself a nice pair of Coach glasses. I let Edward have a look at them.

"You got Coach? Very nice. And they have a bit of bling on the sides." You know Edward is all about designers and trends. After inspecting the pretty purple spectacles, Edward decided to entertain me. I must be honest, I love it when he gets a bit silly.

"I thought glasses were supposed to help you see better, but I can't see a damn thing! You better take these back."

"Hey, do these make me look smart?"

"Far from it, Edward."

"LOL!"

"Did you just say LOL? That's really only for typing. If you find something funny, you can just literally laugh out loud."

"Your mom can laugh out loud."

Edward is really getting into the your mom jokes. I hope he doesn't over use it and ruin it for me.

Then Edward thought someone else should model the glasses. This I was greatly amused at!

Then Edward took great interest in the glasses case, trying to claim it for himself.

"Can I have this? I always wanted a designer coffin."

"Edward, you don't even sleep in a coffin. You don't even sleep."

"I can pretend! Now is there anyway to make this more comfortable?"

"As a matter of fact it did come with a matching blanket."

"Ooo, gimme!"

"There, how is that?"

"Perfect. Now go grab a book and read me a story."

"Alright."

So I went upstairs and got a book and returned to Edward.

"Okay, Edward are you ready?"

"Yes, love."

"Here we go." I dramatically clear my throat. "I'd never given much thought to how I would die.."

"NOOOOO!!!"

I love teasing Edward.

Bad Things Happen To Thirsty Vamps

2010-07-07T22:02:00.005-04:00

Parts of this post may not make sense to you if you haven't read the Finally, My Surprise For Edward post.

So today was a bit different. This morning was the first time Edward was not completely prepared to leave for work. He was supposed to go hunting this morning but he didn't and wouldn't tell me why. I was even running late and he still wasn't ready. Then he had the nerve to ask me to wait another 10 minutes while he went in search of the closest chipmunk. I told him "No way! You had all night and this morning. Now get in the purse and let's go. You are just going to have to wait until we get home."
"But love, you work until 5:15 today."
"I am very aware of my schedule for today, thank you."
...Groans...

So off to work I went with a cranky thirsty vamp. This should be interesting. Now, I have a general rule that Edward is not allowed to hunt during work hours. There are trees and such behind the building but there is too much traffic and back yards for Edward to get caught in. So he must stay inside or with me at all times. Edward was not fond of this rule today and tried very desperately to get me to change my mind. But I was not going to budge. After some attempted persuasion, Edward ripped up all this paper in a thirsty angry rage and tried another approach.

Edward tried to pull the pathetic look out and try something a bit more subtle, but would still get his point across. It almost looked like one of those commercials where they want you send like five cents a day to feed a starving child. I told Edward to get a Styrofoam cup and ask my co-workers for change. I got a big kick out of that ........ he didn't. But he kept up with his plan. He made sure he was in places that I would see him or he would be in the way. Right in front of my computer is a good annoying spot.

Covering up the money would certainly get my attention.

Blocking the path to my cell phone is extremely noticeable.

Then Edward thought it would be a good idea to not let me be able to answer the work phone. This didn't really bother me though, because the people that call usually have a stupid inane question, and if I don't answer the phone someone else will.

So I didn't care, and Edward went to new places. He's looking especially pathetic here. I almost feel bad.

Almost. He even kept up waving his freak flag in the car on my way to Dunkin Donuts during my lunch break.

He was absolutely relentless. But I couldn't just let him win, I need to stand by my principals! If I give in to this, who knows what other stunts he would try to pull. So I decided to talk with Edward about the situation and see if he could be brought to reason.

"Edward, you know the rules. You had plenty of time to hunt before work."
"But I'm miserable. It burns. You don't understand."

"Why didn't you go before we left?"

".....I was busy."

"Doing what?"

"Fine, I'll tell you. I was ordering something off the internet. Please don't ask me anymore about it. It's personal."

This answer concerned me a bit. Usually when people order "personal" things off the internet, they are a bit risque.

"Oh no! Nothing like that, I swear! Get your head out of the gutter. You know me better than that."

I'm so glad he read my mind there. That is so not a conversation I wanted to have. I still told Edward no on the hunting issue and to wait until we got home. He was still not happy with that answer and kept up with his picketing.

This was on my lunch break and all I wanted to do was eat my chicken Parmesan flat bread sandwich and unwind from the craziness, but that is really hard to do when the craziness waving tiny post it notes in your face. I had finally had it with Edward's antics and gave him something for "the burn". I passed him my strawberry vanilla coolata.

"Here Edward, it's a nice cold, burn reducing drink, and it's red. Knock yourself out."

Edward was not amused. He wrote a new sign.

Edward kept this up all day only to find his efforts futile. He was soooo relieved when we finally got home. He ran through the house carelessly, looking for EC to go hunting with him and forgetting that EC was on babysitting duty. "EC, I'm thirsty! Let's go!"

"Edward! You came back!"

"Gah!" Edward, in his haste to quench his thirst completely forgot about Bella being in the house and that EC was home, disguised in the hoodie, making sure she was safe while playing with the wolf puppies. Bella wasted no time in getting close to her vampy love. Neither did the puppy, Seth.

"Aww, Edward it's so cute that Seth always hugs your leg like that. How come you never hug me like that with such enthusiasm?"

"Oh, dear god."

"Don't leave me again, okay?" Bella then snuggled up to a very confused and uncomfortable Edward.

"I was screaming in my head for you to not come in here. Why didn't you hear me?"

"I am so freakin thirsty, I can't concentrate! Now what the hell is she talking about me coming back? She had the decoy when I left this morning."

"Yeah, she lost it."

"What?! How did she loose it?"

"I think she lost it outside in the woods."

"What was she doing out in the woods?! Doesn't she know that Victoria is still after her? And why did you let her out there unsupervised?"

"Um, no, she doesn't. And she said that she was going to go take a nap, so I went to go order something off the internet. When I went to look for her, I found her out in a tree jumping up and down on a branch saying, "I'm a spider monkey, I'm a spider monkey!" I have no idea what that was all about."
"Man, that girl is fifty shades of f**ked up."

"Tell me about it. After I found her, I went to put on the hoodie, then made her come inside. She has been playing with the wolf puppies since. She keeps telling them not to worry, that Daddy will come back."

Edward shudders in repulsion. "So the hoodie is keeping you disguised well then?"

"Real well. She actually thinks I'm a Volturi Guard. Demitri to be exact. She keeps asking me to track you."

"She thinks you're Demitri? You know she thinks Demitri is gay, right?"

"Dammit! It's the hair, isn't it?"

"I don't know, could be the skinny jeans."

Not paying attention to the Edwards' conversation, Bella recalls Edward saying that he is thirsty.

"Edward, I'm going to go get you a glass of water."

"Yea, you do that." As Bella was walking out the door, Edward kicked the wolf puppy off his leg and the boys found a more humorous place for the "I'm thirsty" sign. They shared quite a few laughs.

After Bella was gone, Edward decided how he wanted to quench his thirst.

"No Edward! You can't drink the puppy!"

"But he is so irritating! I must be rid of him."

"Stop! Do you know how mad the human is going to be if you do that? She'll chase you around the house with a Zippo."

"You're right. Fine." Edward lovingly places Seth back on the floor.

"Can we at least figure out how to get him to stop humping my leg?"

"Maybe we can get some of that dog repellent stuff."

"I'm a vampire. How much more dog repellent could I need? And speaking of being a vampire, I need to go hunting, now."
With that, the boys set off to the back yard for some chipmunk biting. When they returned two hours later, Edward was much more relaxed. He suggested a fun game of poker for himself and EC.

"I can see your cards, you know."

"Not if I close my eyes."

"But I still know what they are."

"Your mom knows what they are."

"Ha ha, your mom."

"Alright, Demitri, are you in, or do you fold?"

"Oh, I am so in. You know, I still can't believe Bella thinks I'm Demitri when I have this hoodie on."

"Oh my god!! Bella!"

"Where is she?! She left to get you water hours ago!"

Edward and EC ran out of the room so fast in search for Bella. They returned about an hour later looking for me.

"LwE, Edward has something he needs to tell you."

"Promise me you won't be mad at me?"

"You know there is no way in hell I can ever promise that Edward."
"Okay, um....well....we kind of....uh......lost Bella."

"WHAT?!! How did you loose her?"

"We don't know, she just disappeared."

"I thought you were watching her."

"We were, then she left to get me water and never came back."

"Why would she get you water? Never mind, don't answer that. You two better find her and fast. I can't believe this. No more internet, movies, TV, or video games for either of you until you find her!"

"Aw man."

Edward and EC left the room and started down the hall to continue their search for Bella. I have no clue how two vampires can loose one stupid human. Unless they lost her on purpose, which I probably couldn't really blame them for.

Vampy Vids

2010-07-05T16:31:00.004-04:00

I found some fun action figure videos on Youtube today that I wanted to share. I got a big kick out of them. I posted them here. I think Edward is really jealous of these videos. He is looking into some media tools.

Random Musings

2010-07-03T23:26:00.002-04:00

Something was bothering me. So I posted about it on my other blog. <---- Click that to read it.

Can We Keep Her?

2010-06-30T22:16:00.007-04:00

Well, we all made it back from Bridgewater Commons alive. Yay! After I left Dangrdafne, DangrDonna, and Mrs.P in the parking garage, I had to walk to the bottom floor to my car by myself. And my car was one of last there. To be honest I was a bit spooked. I was expecting a vampire to come run by me and slash my wrist open. So I put on my best "Don't mess with me" Edward face and got in my car unscathed. But how cool of a post could I do if I was able to tell you that I ended the night of watching Eclipse by being turned into a vampire! Oh, well, maybe another time.

Anyway, I guess I will tell you of our Edventures in Eclipse Premiere night. To say that I was beyond stoked would be a true understatement. I was squee-ing all the way down I78. To prepare for the night I had a special shirt made by my brother in law. Here is the front.

And the back:

Isn't it awesome?! I love it! Now I just need to figure out where else I can wear it.

Edward had preparations of his own to make before we left.

Strong Mousse for strong vamp hair. Now you know Edward's bouffant secret.

We started out the night by retrieving the special red bag that Tongue Twied had stowed away for us at the theater. That made our night more interesting. Thank you TT. You are so fun. Here is me and Mrs. P with the bag of goodies and the manager behind probably thinking WTF.

Inside the bag was a little Eclipse goody bag for each of us with Twilighty treats inside. So cool! However Edward was a little disappointed that there was no mini vile of mountain lion blood in there for him. I told him that it's not that easy for us mere humans to obtain mountain lion blood. He replied, "True". Here is Dangrdafne, everyones favorite bloggy sweetie, with her bag.

Our next order of business was to replace Kristen Stewart in the saga. What do you think of our pick?

I think it works. Then Edward killed some time with a little Dance Dance Revolution. He will play that game for hours if not stopped.

Once we entered the theater, we had 2 hours to kill. It went really fast though. Edward thought it would be fun to mess with the person in front of him. He was in a rare mood last night.

Mrs. P said that someone had stole her candy. I think I figured out who it was.

Then Mrs. P said her soda was a huge cup of piss water. This immediately concerned Edward. He had to make sure that this was not true. He can take things so literally sometimes. I think 17foreverlisa would say that it is piss water because it was Coke.

I really don't know what is going on here:

During Edward's shenanigans, he was noticed by a couple of girls behind us who then needed to have their picture taken with him. He was gentlemanly enough to oblige them. They then used there phone to read his blog. I told Edward he should look into some kind of marketing job.

Tongue Twied was wise enough to give us something to do to help pass the time. She gave some kind of quiz about Twilight songs. How do you think we did? If you can't read it, it should get bigger if you click it. <----- honestly not meant to sound dirty.

Here we all are waiting for the movie to start. See how happy we all are. That was not faked.

DangrDonna, DangreDafne, LwE, Mrs.P

We had such a great time possibly at the expense of others around us. I am never the person that doesn't shut up at a movie. I usually glare at that person. But Mrs. P and I had a running commentary for the whole film that we were in hysterics over. I think the most memorable line was used when Carlisle and Esme find Bree and Esme looks to Carlisle and you know she is just thinking "Can we keep her?" That had the girl next to Mrs. P also in hysterics.

Here is Edward with all the goodies acquired through out the night.

We have a TwiBite mug, complementary from Mrs. P. Dangredafne got me the Edward keychain set. Strangely enough that was one of the only things I wanted of the Eclipse Merch. I wonder who told her. And the candy and lotion are from Tongue Twied. I didn't eat it during the movie because I wanted to take a pic of it first. But it probably won't last much longer. Edward's favorite item of the night was the bubble wrap that the TwiBite mug came in.

The Results Are In!! Part Three

2010-06-26T20:51:00.006-04:00

Alright my Twi lovelies, here is the last entry for the mini Edward Contest. It belongs to Musing Bella. MB's entry was fantabulous. I know you will all love it. It had me in tears laughing. It takes some pretty good humor to do that to me, so kudos to you MB! So without further ado......

Edward: Blue
Alice: Pink
Jasper: Green

Recently, LwE was out of the house and had neglected to bring Edward with her. Bored, Edward was thinking he'd like to go through the experience of getting into shape for the upcoming summer, as so many of us try to do each year. He found LwE's workout tapes and was getting ready to start his regimen when Alice showed up.

"Edward? I had a vision... you should not attempt this workout! It won't end well!"
"But Alice, how else will I recreate the experience of trying to look my best in my speedo?"
"Edward, be realistic. You can't even take your clothes off. How would anyone know the difference?"

At this, Edward became very upset and threw himself onto the ground in a fit of rage.

"It's not fair! I just want to pretend!! I was just trying to have some fun!!"
Edward beat his tiny fists on the ground, while Jasper (who had arrived seconds after Alice) sent waves of calm over him.
"Edward, you are such a drama queen sometimes."
"Listen, Edward, Alice has a good point. And there are other things we can do for fun. Tantrums really aren't necessary."
At this, and with the help of Jasper's calming, Edward perked up a bit.
"Like, what sort of other things?"
"Well, is Vlad around here somewhere? Let's go get him and I'll explain."
The trio trekked off to find Vlad, and finally found him resting on his little knee-pad of a bed.

"Vlad? Wake up, Vlad..." said Edward, gently

"OK, Jasper, you have all of us. Now what do you propose we do for some fun, since my human is out of the house and you two won't let me exercise?"
Edward was still a little grumpy from having his workout plans thwarted.
"Umm... I'm out of here. You boys have fun!"

Edward didn't see whatever vision Alice might have had that would cause her to beat such a hasty retreat after ruining his evening so thoroughly by showing up in the first place.

Without responding to Edward's inquiring look, Jasper grabbed Vlad and escaped in a flash. Edward was so stunned that it took him the tiniest second to dart after the two, so he was too late to prevent Jasper from trapping Vlad in a leftover Easter egg prison.

"Jasper! What the Hell?!? Vlad hates being enclosed like that, you know that! What are you thinking?!?"
"Two words, my brother: Bat Bowling."
"What??! NO! You let Vlad out right this second, or I will tear you limb from limb!" Edward began to growl...

Upon being released, Vlad flew up the wall to get away from Jasper, and Edward attempted to calm him down.

"Vlad? Sweetheart? It's okay. Jasper wasn't trying to be so mean, and he didn't mean to scare you. He forgot about your fear of small spaces. You stay up here as long as you need, and I'll let you know as soon as he leaves, okay? Just rest for now."
Edward climbed back down the wall and growled, "Jasper???!"

Once he found Jasper, retribution was in order.

"YOU" [slam] "DO" [slam] "NOT" [slam] "TREAT" [slam] "VLAD" [slam] "IN" [slam] "THAT" [slam] "MANNER!!!!" [slam slam slam]

Edward moved back over to the side of the machine in which he'd been slamming Jasper.

"I demonstrate to you the power of the EWave. Fear it. Respect it. Be glad I didn't turn it on with you inside."

Hearing the sound of a key in the door, Edward quickly gestured to Jasper that he should get out of the house - Edward wasn't sure what LwE's reaction might be to unexpected vampiric company, and didn't want to get into any trouble - her previous punishments had struck fear into his cold, immobile heart.
On his way out the nearest window, Jasper paused atop a speaker.

"Edward? I'm sorry for what I did to Vlad. Let's hunt together soon, okay?"
And out the window he went.

Edward heaved a sigh of relief and turned to greet his human.

"Hello, love. How was your evening?"
------
THE END

I hope you all enjoyed the contest entries as much as I did. I love mini Edward humor and since there is so little of it out there, this was really fun for me. So thank you to all the contestants, Musing Bella, Mrs. P, and Tongue Twied, for making my day. And I hope you all enjoy you new mini Edward!

The Results Are In Part Two!!

2010-06-25T20:38:00.005-04:00

Tonight's blog post is brought to you by the lovely Mrs. P. Enjoy! I know I did.

Edward: Blue
Jasper: Green
Alice: Pink

"Alice, Jasper...I need you to babysit Vlad for me"

"No problem, Edward. We would be glad too!"

**one week later**

"Here you go Edward. Vlad is safe and sound. We kept him in a bubble to keep him safe."

"What? You didn't talk to him or play with him? You're dead!"

"Alice. I am going to take care of you first. I've been working out. You're doomed."

"Over my dead body Edward!"

"Take that! Never insult Alice again!"

Edward composes himself, and quickly grabs Jasper and tries to shove him in the microwave.

Jasper emerges from the microwave unscathed, and decides to take care of Edward and Vlad...once and for all.

"Vlad, I'll entertain any ideas you might have on how to get us out of here."

Thanks again to Mrs. P. If you missed Tongue Twied's post yesterday, it is right below this one. You can't miss it. Stay tuned for The Results Are In Part Three! See you all at DML. If you don't know what that is this ---> DML is the coolest!!

The Results Are In!!

2010-06-24T16:35:00.003-04:00

How many of you have been waiting on the edge of your seats for the results to the mini Edward contest?? Well wait no further! There were three submissions (haha MotU) to the contest. Tongue Twied, Musing Bella, and Mrs. P all sent in entries. It was difficult to pick just one, and since I found mini Edward for only two dollars and fifty (haha MotU) cents, I didn't just buy one. So I decided to grant each contestant a mini Edward because no one should be without one.

I mentioned that I would post the winner's entry on the blog so all three entries will be posted. Today I am starting with Tongue Twied's entry. Hope you enjoy!!

The following takes place prior to Bella’s recent arrival in a town
next to Forks, PA.

Edward: Blue
Alice: Pink
Jasper: Green
Vlad: Red

If a line appears italicised and in [ ]s it is a silent thought, not spoken words, but we all know Edward can hear it. However, Edward has a few thoughts of his own.

Hey Jasper, Alice whatcha up to?
Nothing.
[Yeah, that’s what I thought, I mean think, I mean am thinking
right this very second.]
Listen, I need to go to Forks for a couple of days. Psychochick has
gone missing and Charlie is worried. He thinks I’m the only one who
can save her dumb self from her dumb self. [I’m the only one that fits
into her delusions anyway. Pubescent nutjob!] He asked me to come
help. But the thing is, Forks is too wet for my precious little viddle
vitty Vlad here. All that rain would short circuit him. Can I count on
you guys to take care of him while I’m gone?

Well we don’t have much experience with “kids” but I did have a
little sister back in Texas that I liked to give piggyback rides to,
you know until I sunk my teeth into, drained her dry, and discarded
her like an empty burlap potato sack in a field outside Austin.
[And yet somehow Alice thinks he’ll be under as good control as the
rest of us soon.]
Of course! {turns to Vlad} Awww we’ll take care of you little fella,
such a cute little thing. What do we do with him?
Well I’ll go over everything you need to know for Vlad. First,
Alice, I don’t suppose you’ve had any visions about pscyhochick that
might help me get this over and done with…
Nope, not a one.
[Of course not. Five dollar carnival psychic! Once again proving
that nobody in this family has any real talent except me.]

This is where Vlad likes to sleep and sometimes play. Don’t ask
what the human used it for. You don’t want to know, but since Vlad has
taken a liking to it, it is his now. You have to pick him up and fly
him around like an airplane. Trust me, he loves it. But don’t go at
Vampiric speed because he gets too sick and vomits everywhere. Once he
vomited in the human’s shoe and she was NOT pleased at all. Oh, and at
nighttime be sure to sing him "You are my sunshine" and cover him with
a blanket so he’s as snug as a bug in a rug.

I bet the little fella likes to play hide and go seek.
Go hide. I'll stand up here and count to 10.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

[Jasper’s an idiot. Nobody climbs up high to count. He can totally
see down and see where Vlad is.]
Well you’re the action-pixie that brought him into this family. I
just don’t think Remember the Alamo up there understands the concept
of the game. {Places Vlad behind box} Here Vlad, why don’t we {Uses
his finger quotes} “hide” you behind this box.

Ready or not here I come! {jumps down and knocks over Edward}
Come on pretty boy with lush full hair way better than mine ever
looks, you should have totally been able to “hear” me coming.
[Ughh…for the love of my little sister don’t remind me.]
Uhh, Edward are you okay?
Yeah Alice, I’m only down here so as not to scare Vlad but do me a
favor and distract me so I don’t jump up in one of my lithe movements
and pummel the ever-unliving v-neck sweater out of your boyfriend.
Okay. Okay. Let's calm down and focus...Ummm… remember that time
when you sent crazy girl off with Jazz and I to take her to a mental
institution in Phoenix. Before we left you said to her, “You get a
life, now” and she told everyone you said, “You are my wife, now.”
{laughs uncontrollably}
{Growls} And you two vamprods totally let her get away. Remind me
again why I’m entrusting my precious pal with you two.
Well at least you found her dancing around that ballet studio
convinced she was performing the Nutcracker.
[Yeah psycho nutcracker!]
[yeah, Psychotic nutcracker! Wow when Edward is lying down like
that I can tell my sideburns are totally fuller than his. I'm so much
more plasculine than him.]
Jazz, has anyone every told you that your mood swings are totally
giving them whiplash? And that you totally suck at this game. You guys
go behind the speaker and count and Vlad and I will hide.

Don’t make a sound Vlad. They’ll never think to look for us here.
…9…10. Ready or not here we come.
Marco!
Polo!
There you are!!!
[Oh Vlad, you are one stupid pet.]

Oh! Oh! This is fun! Okay I’ll count you guys hide.
{Jasper grabs Vlad and heads into the microwave}

Wait for me!
No Edward. You get your own hiding spot!
Not fair!! I want to hide in there with you too. {Struggles to open
door.} It's my spot!
{Struggles to close door.} It’s not like it has your name on it!
{Edward releases his grip.}

It does so have my name on it! See right here it says “E-wave”
which used to be my club name back in the ‘90s because I could read
brain waves. Just like you were J-Emo because you could…
[That’s right E-wave, well read this brain wave. I win the
microwave spot! The door is shut.]
[You tricked me? Why I ought to turn this thing on high power for
20 minutes and melt your plastic action-jackson ass! But I won’t
because, Vlad may be stupid, but I won’t let any harm come to him. I
feel very protective of him, my special little buddy.]
[Lemme out! Lemme out! It still smells like the human’s reheated
fish dinner in here.]
{Edward breaks off microwave door to free Vlad}
Game over! I was thinking about how protective I feel of Vlad and
I’m just do not think this is going to work out.
Oh don’t say that Edward! We can do better. Really we can.

I’ve got it! Say no more Edward! You want protective, we can do
protective. We'll just put him in a bubble so he has full-time
protection. {comes back with Vlad in bubble}
{throws hands up in the air} Longhorn Idiot! He can’t even breathe
in there! Get him out…NOW! That’s it! I’m calling Charlie and telling
him I can’t help him. Maybe Eduardo can go. [At least that guy would
be good for something and that would mean some peace and quiet at the
bank again. sigh] I’m sure if he finds Bella McNutcase she wouldn’t
know the difference if it bit her in the abdomen…several times.